I compiled a top 10 sticking points PUA infield report list that I made (or observed) through months of going out and hitting the clubs.
Read and weep.
Top 10 most Common Sticking Points
1. Drinking too Much Alcohol
I have nothing against drinking and pick up. Drinking is part and parcel of socializing. There are tting coaches or industry leaders out there that absolutely against alcohol when going out to approach girls. However, if you’re using alcohol as a crutch to pick up and socialize, then that’s the problem. If you’re just chilling out and socializing and having a beer or two with good friends, it’s fine.ing
For the people just starting out at this, I suggest going sober (or max 1 or 2 drinks). There has to be a clarity behind conversations, flirting strategies and physicality when first starting out. It’s not helpful to rely on alcohol.
If you’re going with guys that tend to drink a lot, you’re going to be more tempted to want to drink and use alcohol as a crutch.
Note: Someone with good social skills with alcohol will do well. Someone with no social skills with alcohol will still not do well.
2. Masturbating Before Hitting the Clubs and in General
I noticed differences in the way I carry myself when I don’t masturbate before going out. I’ll be more motivated to approach girls and be more sexual with them.
In the popular self-help book Think or Grow Rich, it’s stated that the most successful and powerful people in history go on sexual abstinences to preserved energy for their work.
Research and studies also back up that pornography is harmful to the brain and it portrays an unrealistic picture of human sexuality.
Realistically, habits can’t be changed overnight. So I’ll be looking to implement simple two habits in my life. Firstly, if I were to masturbate, I’ll only be doing it before sleep once accomplishing everything I want to achieve in the day. I’ll also be trying to keep it down to once every few days, and ideally a week.
Secondly, if I’m hitting the clubs at night, then I won’t masturbate, and preserve the energy for the night. If I really feel the urge to get one out, I’ll replace that urge with another habit: exercise.
3. Not Being Physically Proactive On The Dancefloor
Just having fun and rocking out on the dance floor will get you eyeballs from the girls around you. But ultimately, you have to make the move. This means grabbing her by the hips and pulling her to you, or going up to her and grinding her. This is a statement of interest, a bold move, a move that involves polarization.
You have to polarize fast on the dance floor. You’ll have the pull the trigger and go in for the grind.
Putting on a smile, dressing well, and dancing happily on the dance floor helps a lot.
You generally want to give your conversations short and get physically immediately on the dance floor.
4. Going Out with People Who Don’t Approach
If you have 3 friends around you that won’t approach no matter what, you’re going to approach despite that.
On one occasion, I was out with 3 other friends. One of them stuck with his girl he wasn’t trying to hit on. (Read: Comfort zone) Two of them are only willing to spend time on the dance floor.
It taught me a valuable lesson of how you must take responsibility fully for your surroundings. Take leadership of your own actions, and act despite the crowd or the group.
That was when I realized that it was time to upgrade my peer group.
The current friends that I spend my time around with are interested in talking about their exes and their past. I used to enjoy talking and reminiscing about that. However, I’ve moved on and would prefer talking about building a lifestyle, businesses and moving forward in life.
5. Not Trust Yourself – Not Doing It YOUR Way
There’s really something to be said about trusting yourself on a gut level on your actions. The more I find myself looking externally to replicate attractive behaviors, the more I find myself off centered and less grounded.
Trusting yourself and going for the kiss, the hand hold, or the waist grab puts you on the line as a man. It’s a form of vulnerability and it displays true confidence. Girls can sense that kind of behavior.
“Until you learn to trust your own actions and learn to pursue women with your own unique style and personality, you have learned absolutely nothing.”
– Mark Manson
Once again, always be leading. Girls respond to leadership, and leadership is a masculine energy.
I saw this girl who looked a little Japanese and I said: Hi, are you Japanese? It is probably the most blatant pick up line in the history of pick up. Guess what, it’s actually called a normal human conversation, and it worked.
By the way, observations are a great conversational starter and I just happened to thought she was Japanese. I found out she’s 1/4 Japanese and we actually proceeded with a funny conversation with an inside joke.
A lot of game in the club has to do with being physical. She was a little high on alcohol and I teased her back and forth and getting physical was easy. There was a point in the interaction where I was half holding her hand and hips.
This has to be followed up with expressing what you actually feel like doing and want to do. There was a point in the interaction where I just cut her out and said ‘You’re cute. Hi!’. It’s fucking retarded. However, it’s always the intention behind the behavior that should be looked at. It was genuine.
Here’s where I screwed up. It was my defence mechanisms kicking in. I bitched out because it’s been some time since I got physical with a girl in a club setting. I thought I needed more game and I didn’t assert myself physically in that situation. She felt my false confidence, and I lost the interaction.
6. Not Having an Approach Ethic
It’s better to build an approach habit outside of the club and then complimenting it with the once or twice a week sessions in the club.
Going out once a week to the club without regular practice outside of it isn’t going to help much in your dating life. It’s not going to build a sustainable habit in approaching girls. It’s not enough to go to a club once or twice a week without complimenting it with being social and day time approaches.
The club is a messy place, with lots of sets and people. You’re going to automatically choose who to approach and bitch out on the harder sets.
7. Having Personal Problems and Other Commitments in your Life
There was a period of time where I was focused on writing and launching two businesses. Building up this Singapore dating coach project was taking a toll on me. It’s hard to be social when I was cooping up myself at home reading a lot, writing a lot and building websites.
I’m was stressed out with the other things going on with my life. I had school coming up, a business project launched, pursuing a passion that I’ve been waiting too long to, and handling family relationships.
I was facing the computer for the whole day doing video recordings, thinking of business strategy, doing technical work. There were stressful days for me.
However, socializing can be just fun to me and not to be seen as work or something to be exerterd energy on.
Nonetheless my results suffered.
8. Being a Creepy Pick Up Artist
The problem with learning to pick up artist routines or going down the pick up route, you’re bound to run out of ideas and routines.
There was time I spent hanging out with a guy from the local pick up artist community and said that there’s a need for structure and for planning in going about one’s dating life. I then tried his philosophy towards social interactions.
I planned everything, worried about everything and tried to do every right through ‘game’ in person, in text and went to the extent of analyzing everything single interaction.
Soon enough, I found myself going out with girls and trying to get them to my bedroom through every single means of lines or ‘game’.
Getting into this whole social dynamics and pick up, one might get the misconstrued idea that social interactions are something that will be smooth 100 percent of the time.
After all, we got into this to make it smooth right?
Social interactions are like a cosmic clash.
You’re an unknown entity to her, and vice versa. It’s going to be awkward for both of you, and it’s just natural. This got me thinking about how I approached social interactions, including business sales, and other interactions in life. I expect them to be perfect. After all, I’ve read tons of books on habits, personal development, emotional intelligence, and dating theory right?
So expect some nervousness, some awkwardness, and ride the waves.
9. Being The Entertainer and Not Being That ‘Sexual Guy’
Half way into the night, I found myself being the entertainer and the ‘monkey’ frame sometimes. Sometimes, I get into this whole ‘frat’ boy kind of schtick when approaching, just to get show that I’m friendly and confident and the same time.
It’s a defense mechanism.
Girls can kind of sniff that out whether you’re being authentic or you’re putting a front.
I went back to the basics: Strong body language and eye contact. This means not jumping around too much, not shifting your gaze away too much. Saying: ‘Hi I’m Marcus, I thought you were cut and I wanted to say Hi’, turns out well for me most of the times.
True confidence means pursuing her just purely from your desires and expressing those desires unconditionally to her.
10. Taking Responsibility For Everyone’s Emotions and Not Your Own
One thing I would like to change about myself is that I would like to take leadership in my social interactions and my own actions. I have to stop letting myself be dictated by the actions of others. I’m not saying fuck your friends and have your own fun. But I’m saying you have to lead yourself with your actions.
That’s what I realized that I take the responsibility of other people’s actions and emotions.
It’s a form of poor boundaries. I have to constantly remind myself that I can only do a good job at expressing myself and leading myself through my own emotions and actions, I can’t do anything if a girl decides to slap me on the spot in the club. I can’t do anything if I decide to say something that pisses the whole group off.
I got to know this group of girls and guys through another friend. There’s much to be said about the merits of cold approach pick up, however, nothing beats the easiness of getting to know people through your social circle, leveraging on the psychological bias of the mere association tendency.
It was an interesting interaction because I ended up with 3 Facebook instead of one number. I found myself afraid to ask for a girl’s number outright because I was afraid of what the rest will think of me. It was a weird situation. The two girls showed a little interest in me, the guy was interested in the girl I was interested in me. I was thinking: how was I going to keep it socially smooth for everyone? How am I not going to fuck it all up?
I was interested in just one girl, however, there were 3 of them all together. Do I ask just for her number? If so, how do I do that?
The right answer was to just open my mouth and ask for it.
‘You seem like a really cool person to talk to, let’s keep in touch.’
I guess I still have this nice guy issue of being afraid to piss the group off. Or rather, I’m taking responsibility for emotions that I should not be taking on.