The transition from employee life back to an entrepreneurial one hasn’t been that smooth admittedly.
It got me thinking about relationships, business decisions in general. When you’re an employee, you’re comfortable. You know you’re going to get paid after 30 days. You know there’s little to no risk on your side as long as you perform to a certain level.
However, as an entrepreneur, you have to perform.
Sometimes I question myself on my life choices, why do I even write? Why do I continue doing what I do? Why do I risk it year after year? Is it even worth it? In my employee days, there’s a certain anxiety about not pursuing my goals. When I’m an entrepreneur, it’s anxiety about pursuing my own goals: can it really be done?
If you don’t know by now, I’m an idealist, not a realist. I make decisions based on an ideal future. I’m an innovator, I live for the future. However, the world is at it is not as you want it to be. It’ll never confirm fully to your desires.
Sometimes I ask myself, why do I continue doing this?
The sake of rebellion. The sake of going against the odds. The sake of immortality. I remember the times when a client comes in and he hands me a couple of thousand dollars. He trusts me to take him from zero to hero in his dating and relationships life to the best of my knowledge and abilities.
Sometimes, I still question and doubt the curriculum I built for my dating and life advice programs. This is why I’m constantly innovating them. It got me here. However, can it get them there? However, when a client texts me on his success or puts up a photo on Facebook showing off their success, that gives me a sense of satisfaction. I did something right in my life.
I’m a teacher. I enjoy teaching. It’s also part of why I write.
Many are Strong at Broken Places
Loss. Pain and regret. They are all phases of life. Change is the only constant. Impermanence, as the Buddhists call it. On some days, you feel like you’re a king, winning on a moral high ground, on others, you feel like are a total fuck up.
Is all of this worth it? Is exposing yourself time and time again into the wind worth it? For the sake of poetry, immortality and the odds. Maybe one day, as I lie on my death bed. It will make sense to go against the odds.
However, as you brave the storm. You’ll only go deeper into the night. Just maybe, you’ll become strong at broken places.