Sometimes, relationships are difficult. Sometimes, you end up apologizing for standing up for what’s right. You end up apologizing for asserting your boundaries. There seems to a boundary issue in an Asian Singaporean culturethat is pervasive amongst many relationships. It’s toxic, yet many aren’t aware of it and their relationships are scripted around it.
I guess one of my more charming qualities is that I generally don’t take shit from anyone: even if they pay me. This is why I never liked agency work as a digital marketing consultant. Singaporeans seem to think that they own you after paying you money. I also found the courage to confront my military superior in my military days.
There have to be boundaries in the workplace, in friendships and in business.
I’m also convinced that trust is the key to all relationships, in friendship, in business and in romance. Trust is a like a China plate, once it’s broken, with some care and attention you can piece it back together. However, if you break it again, it splits into more pieces and it’s almost impossible to piece it together. If you make a mistake, admit it and move on. If you try to cover it up, shift the blame or deflect it, you’ll lose your reputation and trust.
To quote Friedrich Nietzche: I’m not upset that you lied to me, I’m upset that from now on I can’t believe you.
These days, when a friend, business partner or lover lie, manipulates, deflect responsibility or blame. I feel more sadness and loss than anger. The relationship isn’t going to be the same again unless he or she owns up and take responsibility for it. Even if you hang out together, that particular event is going to be at the back of your mind.
How many of your relationships are built on genuine trust as opposed to the fear of being alone?
That’s how you end up in crowded rooms, yet feel lonely.