Learning how to touch a girl is one of the key concepts to getting good at women. Flirting with a girl without touching her is going to land you straight in the friend zone. Physical escalation and touching is a girl is commonly known as ‘kino escalation’ in pick up artist terms.
Over the years, my success as a Singapore pick up artist has mostly come from my lifestyle and my communication skills. I pursued my passions and expressed myself well socially. My style of ‘game’ is more laid back, empathetic, and teasing her to initiate rather than me being proactive in seducing her physically.
Well, all this has rendered ineffective recently. It’s a high quality problem of having most of the other fundamentals down. Girls perceive you as a high value male and you’re expected 100% of the time to initiate.
When you’re still in ‘chode mode’, girls are more forgiving and giving and are willing to initiate. The more grounded, and masculine you become, the more you’re expected to initiate. She’s going to want to fall into her feminine essence of wanting you to make a move.
How to Touch a Girl – a Step by Step Guide
The reason why all of us hold back when it comes making our moves physically on a girl we’re attracted to is sexual shame. Our culture is filled with shame. Sexual shame occurs when any of us feel inherently wrong, immoral, unworthy with our own sexual thoughts and sexuality. Sexual shame holds us from expressing and going for our sexual desires.
It can come from traumatic past experiences. It could be being emotionally or physically abused when you’re young. It could be coming from an overly strictly family upbringing or culture. These are some sources of sexual shame.
Conquering shame requires quite a bit of introspection. If you’re suffering from huge amounts of anxiety socially or sexually, then I suggest psychotherapy.
- Stand Close to Her
The first step in learning how to touch a girl is not being afraid if your own sexuality. Have masculine body language and plant your feet firmly into the ground. Stand close to her. Show her than you’re willing to take up space and you’re willing to intrude into her personal space. Show her that you’re a sexual threat and not some random stranger.
Standing close to them and projecting a sexual vibe the first important steps in learning how to touch a girl. If she’s attracted and assuming you approach with the right intentions, she’ll allow you to be pretty confrontational in your body language. You won’t be able to touch her if you’re not standing near to her.
Secondly, facing her and standing straight up to her is showing that you’re a man and you have a dick. It’s part of being masculine and open. It shows confidence and openness. Look deep into her eyes whilst conversing and inch your body closer, but yet not too close, as if you’re teasing her to fill the vacuum in between.
- Light Neck Hug and Waist Holding
Pulling her and talking in her ear in a night club situation can help in increasing sexual and physical intimacy. This can be followed up with a slightly holding her by her waist. You’ll be surprised at how much girls are receptive to this, especially in a nightclub situation. There’s an element of chance and novelty in standing close to her, holding her by her neck lightly and touching slightly at her waist or arms.
This, of course, can’t be replicated right off the bat in daytime approaches.
How to Touch a Girl in a Charismatic and Bold Manner
The Push Pull Dynamic
Touching a girl and flirting with a girl with words has to be combined with touching a girl. This is commonly known as the push-pull dynamic.
“You’re a retard. We’re getting divorced. You keep the kids, I get the house and the dog.”
This is a push. This can be followed up with a slight push on her shoulder.
“I’m kidding, you’re awesome, I love you.”
This is a pull, this can be followed up with pulling her in for a hug by the shoulder, neck or waist. Depending on where you are at in the interaction.
- Putting things together
Repeating this and rinsing them with the same principles in my will put you in thousands of situations where both you and she will be emotionally charged. Putting yourself and her in a position where you can kiss each other.
- Just Doing It
Fortune favors the brave, and just going for it is going to help you more than laying back. Remember, girls desire to be desired.
I once attempted to kiss a girl and she cocked her head backwards in disgust and asked me what was I up to. I plainly told her that I was trying to kiss a girl I liked. She was turned on by that. My behaviours were a little uncalibrated, but it displayed boldness. Even thought I was rejected, I felt good after that. I had expressed my desires there and then.
Sometimes, I can’t really be arsed about coming up with witty one-liners to tease a girl. When I find myself in situations where I can’t elicit the push and pull dynamic between me and her. This is where ‘just doing it’ comes it.
Note that it’s not socially smooth to verbalize when or how you’re going to touch a girl. Saying out loud: “I’m going to hold your hands now” and then holding it is pretty awkward and weird. It doesn’t show courage either. Girls like you to put yourself emotionally on the line. You can say: you’re beautiful tonight. And then step in and lean in to kiss her while looking deeply in her eyes.
You get the idea.
The Ladder of a Girl’s Comfort Level
There is a rough process to follow when learning how to touch a girl. You’re not going to go up to a girl and kiss her straight up. It escalates from touching her socially, and then romantically and then sexually.
- Social Touching On Shoulders
- Shoulder Holding
- Hands Holding
- Hips Holdings
- Front Hugging
- Sexual Touching
- Sex (Yay!)
Starting off with the handshake is a great way to break physical contact. This can then be followed up with social touching such as lightly tapping her on her arms when you’re in a conversation. You can use these touches to punctuate your sentences and jokes. Punctuating touches in general makes you a much more charismatic and socially dominant individual.
If she’s receptive to your social advances, you can then escalate to shoulder hug her like a good old friend to see if she’s comfortable to your touch. If she is, you can leave your arm there or bring her arm up to your shoulder while chatting with her. It’s quite an innocent move with both your bodies facing away, yet, but your arms resting on each other shoulders like you’re good friends. It’s a good move to use in night clubs.
This can be followed up by holding her hand. This can be initiated just by holding her hand stright out or taking her land and leading her somewhere. Once a girl is comfortable with holding your hand, the rest is going to flow quite naturally. This can be initiated when you’re moving locations in the night club or on a date.
On a date, choosing the right spot knowing where to sit will facilitate physical intimacy. Sidling up to her and holding her waist whilst sitting or walking is going to help physical intimacy.
This is followed up with light kissing, and then heavily making out and then sexual touching.
Note that some of these ‘moves’ is going to be more applicable than another in different situations. Some girls are going to be comfortable kissing you in front of her friends, and some are not. Remember: Girls don’t want to look like a slut. At all times, be socially empathetic whilst touching a girl, see what she’s comfortable with and what she’s not comfortable with.
How to Touch a Girl – Vulnerability and Courage
It’s easy to intellectualize how to touch a girl and use them as techniques when you’re out with a girl. However, it’s hard to come from a vulnerable stand point. Feeling it in your gut, the fear, and then doing it is hard. The more the shame, the harder it is going to be. However, there’s no other way.
Overcoming these anxieties with real life interactions are the only way you’re going to get better at pursuing girls. Unfortunately, learning how to touch a girl can’t be overcome with a therapist, a friend or a family member. Hence, it’s always the hardest. It has been the hardest for me.
It always the underlying emotion/anxiety that hinders you back in your dating life. If you have problems expressing, polarising and approaching girls, you’re more or less likely going to have problems escalating with a girl. This stems from a fear of rejection. I’d argue that most of the guys going into this (including myself) have problems approaching and getting physical fast with a girl.
I’ve always relied on a more charismatic and connection styled of approach towards dating. I wasn’t the type of guy that’ll caveman the girl. I’m looking to change my approach and lean towards being physical and touching a girl really quick and fast. It’s going to be congruent to me. Girls can feel if I’m holding back in my desires, it’s going to show. The truth is always shining through. If you rather be talking about opinions or magic cards than attempting to touch her, it’s going to show if your actions.
However, girls are turned on by courage, and turned on by boldness. Being bold in your physical advances is going to 1) save you a lot of time, 2) and increase your results. This is going to be accomplished through taking real life action, and introspection. It works both ways. Both inner game and outer game.
For some reason, shame, culture, or whatever, all of us hold back when it comes to touching a girl. The hotter she is, the more all of us avoid it. The only way through is to desensitise ourselves to it.
Being rejected is a good thing, touching her is a good thing, that’s because you’ve found and expressed your truth.