This is a spin off from my how to approach girls guide. I thought I wrote a how to pick up girls in Singapore guide specifically for the Singapore culture. I often hear pick up artists lament that Singaporean girls can’t be picked up. There’s even an article by a well known pick up artist lamenting that it’s a close to impossible task.
Is that true?
For every rumour, there’s some dose of truth in it. Yes, the Singaporean culture is more closed off than Westernized cultures. Singaporean girls are generally harder to approach off day time approaches.
How to Pick Up Girls in Singapore: Context
Singapore is an Asian value based society with people choosing to stick in highly knit social groups. I grew up in a social environment where grades, results were emphasised on, and not emotional intelligence. The people here (including girls of course) aren’t generally equipped with social skills to continue a conversation with a stranger. Hence, you’re going to get awkward silences and shifty eyes if you don’t know what you’re doing.
Looking Like Friendly Stranger
The first step to picking up girls in Singapore is dressing well.
The Singaporean culture is already a conservative one. Whilst most pick up artists obsess over ‘attracting strategies’ when picking up girls in Singapore, you should focus on making her feel comfortable. It’s going to help a lot if you look like a friendly stranger that she feels comfortable to meet and talk to.
You don’t have to go overboard and go walking around shopping malls in suits. However, you got to minimally alright. This means shirts, jeans and shoes that fit.
This is a good example of looking like a friendly stranger
The Statement of Empathy
When most people ask me what’s ‘my game’ about. I say it’s ’empathy’. They often give me confused look. Empathy? What’s that? How does it even work?
Basically, empathy is putting yourself in someone else’s shoes and imagining how he or she feels in that particularly situation.
Imagine this, she’s going about her day, rushing off to meet her friends, or some work meeting, and you, an unknown stranger, rolls up to her, stops her, and tells her in her face that she’s cute and are invested in the prospect of dating her.
That’s a lot for a girl who barely knows you. This is especially so if you’re doing it in a public setting, or when she has her friends/ her Mum around. You’re going to have to be empathetic in such situations and put yourself in her shoes.
So, before you actually tell her the actual reason why you’re hitting on her, you can say: :
- ‘I know this is really out of the blue’
- ‘This can be quite upfront… however…’
- ‘I know you’re feeling nervous…’
These are statements of empathy.
Secondly, you should also be mirroring her body language. If she looks shocked and slightly taken a back, you can take tiny step back and give her more personal space. Here’s a tip: a light smile helps a lot.
Such subtleties are different for everyone. Some guys have to be more aggressive, others got to be less aggressive. It’s also different for different girls you approach. Girls who are more shy are going to be a lot more taken a back from girls who gets approached regularly.
The Direct Approach
When starting out, you’re going to be really worried about lines, techniques, your body language, tonality, eye contact and etc. It’s normal.
However, as you progress with this. You’ll see picking up girls similar to being a big happy puppy going around chatting girls up. She feels what you feels. It’s the principle of mirror neurons. You’ll also find that getting rejected isn’t that bad after all, and most girls aren’t going to slap you in the face when you talk to them.
I often go direct when I approach a girl in a day setting. I’ll lightly go up to the girl and say:
“I know is this kind of random, but I thought you’re really cute and I just had to say Hi.”
I always use this exact line when approaching girls in a day time setting.
I know guys that are more comfortable with going the indirect route. I’m quite impatient by nature and I like getting my message across, so going direct is more congruent to my personality.
It also depends on situation to situation. Sometimes, I go indirect. It can be making an observation on the book she’s reading while at the library, or making an observation about something or someone in the common environment that we’re in.
Using Your Conversational Toolbox
One caveat to picking up girls in Singapore, especially in day time settings, is that you’re going to have to lead in conversation 99% of the time. This means being able to generate conversations out of mid air, that doesn’t make you look like you’re an interviewing her, and at the same time encourage the girl to open up and talk about herself. That’s a lot for the beginner. Hence, I recommending understanding these skillsets before going up to a random stranger.
This can be accomplished by statements and questions. To avoid looking like an interviewer, the general rule of thumb is to make a statement before asking her a question. I kind of accepted the fact that questions are inevitable in the Singaporean setting. Just going with purely cold reading and making statements isn’t going to help.
You got to understand this, most of the people (including girls) here aren’t equipped with social skills to deal with a conversation with a stranger. I’ve lived here for 25 years of my life. I’m pretty sure I can give a well informed insight into this. She’s going to be dumbfounded that you approached her, and she’s going to freeze up. You job is to that interaction.
Here’s a breakdown of an interaction:
‘Hi, I know this is kind of random, but I thought you were cute, and I just wanted to say Hi’.
“You look like you’re on the way to school. Nice shoes by the way. Let me guess, you must be a business student.”
She’s going to either correct you or agree with you at this point of time.
This is an example of a direct approach, cold read, sprinkled with a light compliment. Sometimes, compliments can help ease the interaction. The next step is to express something about yourself, and your values and pop question.
“I study accounting, I don’t really enjoy it, but the practical side of me says that I got to do it, what about you, you’re passionate about business or you’re just following the path of a Singaporean girl?”
Following up from her response, you can continue asking her questions or make a statement to relate to her. Free association and conversational improvisation skills are required to generate a continuous conversation. This requires some practice.
You should also attempt to tease her early on in the interaction. For Eg. You can tell her that she’s probably going to lose money for a company from the way she’s dressed if she’s a business student. Or something along those lines. You can’t script or prepare humour, it’s practiced by free association and improvisation.
I find it useful to stick to general principles such as teasing her about her stereotype that she fits into.
How to Get Her Number
For a solid interaction, you’re going to require at least 5 minutes with her to consider you as a potential dating partner. I find that interactions that last lesser than 5 minutes don’t go anywhere for me. If she likes you, and assuming you don’t screw it up, your conversation is going to last more than 5 minutes.
Once you feel you’ve gone from stranger to acquaintances, you should ask her out for a date right there and then. Since you’ve already expressed interest upfront, it’s alright to ask her out for coffee. I always do that. Ideally, you can make a statement about it.
“You’re nice to talk to, let’s grab coffee some day.”
When she agrees, then ask for her number. There’s no perfect line to ask for her number. Sometimes I just blurt out: ‘What’s your number?’ or ‘let’s exchange contacts.’The words are superficial, it’s the intention underneath it that counts.
If she says no, then it’s alright as well. Just wish her well and move on. Rejection is part of the game.
Closing Thoughts on How to Pick Up Girls in Singapore
Now, this approach to meeting girls is an unconventional one, especially so in Singapore. You’re not going to get rejected a lot, and you’re going to get quite a bit of shy/ weird states. However, it’s doable, I’ve done it, and I know one guy who is specifically great at meeting girls in the day time.
I understand that learning how to pick up girls in Singapore can be a quite daunting task. If you’re looking to better your dating life and assuming you have a strong network of social circle, you don’t really have to go out picking up girls off the streets. You can focus on bettering your own psyche, build social skills, and leverage of your current demographics to meet girls.
When I was in University, I barely bothered with meeting girls through this method. That’s because there were many social opportunities around me, there was no need to go cold.
However, as a Singapore dating coach, I recommend guys who want to get their dating life handled to minimally know how to approach girls in clubs, which is a less daunting setting than in the day.
I always hear guys say: I don’t like shitting where I eat. I say, bullshit. Everyone shits where they eat because they’re forced to. The majority of people are going to end up dating girls or guys within their social circles and demographics. There are going to be mutual friends or colleagues involved.
How many people you know have the social skillsets and the courage to actively make new connections on the go? Well, assuming you don’t have any friends who’ll actively introduce you to other females, then this is a great way to about it.
It can be done. Remember, it’s a numbers game. The more rejection, the more tries, the more successes.