How to pick up girls in clubs, and perhaps take her home there and then?
How to Pick Up Girls in Clubs – The Guide
1) Building a Clubbing Crew: Being Proactively Social
Being proactively social can land you opportunities socially and in your dating lives.
Make it a point to reach out to others to be more social. One way is to join social communities and forums and hang out with other guys who are serious about going out and meeting girls. When I started learning, I networked with other like minded individuals, to go out with almost every weekend.
There were occasions when the usual guys that I club with aren’t available on Friday or Saturdays to hit the clubs. I’m someone who enjoys going to parties and events and make it a point to at least go once a week. I make it point to ask a group of friends who weren’t my immediate circle if I could hit a club with them.
Sometimes, it’s as easy as opening one’s mouth and ask ‘can I join?’.
2) Dress Well
Dressing well helps a ton in the club. It automatically puts you in the ‘cool guy’ category that and someone of influence. It makes things a lot much easier.If you’re a cool individual, that’s well dressed, you’ll have more influence over the immediate social settings around you. Right? It boils down to influence.
I’d also like to mention that dressing well doesn’t just affect your own results. I’m always dressed well in clubs and my immediate influence over my social settings rubs off my wingmen. Vice versa.
Like Mark Twain said, people who don’t dress well have any influence over society.
3) The Positive Dominance Frame
I got this concept from Alex Social, a pick up artist and ex-instructor from Real Social Dynamics. It’s molding a behavioral archetype where you are positive and yet masculine.
Being masculine is being grounded: not prancing around emotionally and physically like a girl. Have strong but relaxed body language. Being masculine helps you dictate the flow of social interactions. Being dominant helps in leading interactions, not giving a fuck, taking girls by the hands, leading them to the dance floor etc.
Being positive helps with your overall mood. Smiling helps a lot when approaching. Don’t give people and girls an excuse to outright reject you. If you’re being creepy to a girl, it will give her friends around her a good excuse to outright reject you.
Think positive dominance.
People are going to subconsciously (or consciously) look at you to make decisions within the group. Not to mention that leadership is an attractive trait to girls. You’re going to put yourself in a position to be seen as the guy who’s leading the interaction. Furthermore, you want to be the guy adding to other people’s nights, and instead of taking,
Being Social Throughout the Night
One other thing I learned about night clubs, in general, is that people wait too long to be social and be in a social interaction. One of the advice from the pick up artist community that works really well for approaching in the night club is to make sure you’re always in an interaction.
Your results can be maximized this way. This helps in social momentum as well. Socializing and meeting new people becomes natural and fun after the first few rough approaches. Combine this with the adrenaline of approaching an attractive girl. These gives you a higher probability of succeeding, and at the same time, you don’t lose the social momentum of approaching.
In the day, many of us are in a logical headspace, either from school or work. For months straight, I was either writing for the blog or building this Singapore dating coach website or catching up with my academics.
This goes against being social.
Being social is a creative activity as opposed to a logical activity. In addition to that, thinking and obsessing too much about pick up technique or theory can mess your head up. How I deal with a logical headspace is to get into a social headspace by chatting with my friends, strangers, Hi 5-ing people in the club, having fun in general.
All in all, add value to others. This includes your wingmen, your buddies, your friends and the new people you meet in a club. Adding value is the fundamental art of socializing. Think about it, why would others want to meet you unless you bring something to the table? If someone who dresses poorly just came up to you and creep up to you, you’re probably going to reject him or her. Flip that around, put yourself in the shoes of others.
What’s valued in a night club situation?
Connections, fun, friends and alcohol. Unless you’re going to be popping bottles (and your bank account) then merely smiling, having fun and introducing people to each other is going to be a value add for others. I recently got feedback from one of my wings that I tend to sulk a lot if my nights go bad. I’m taking note of that, and making sure it doesn’t happen in the future.
Talking to strangers and approaching in the club has got to be your bread and butter. I realize taht there’s going to be a point where you’re going to have to learn to talk to ‘mix sets’ a.k.a interactions where there are both guys and girls.
Having a Neutral Mindset and Vibe
Have a neutral vibe when hitting the clubs. Don’t feel especially good or bad. I’m not huge into inner game self-talk and all of that. It’s better to tell yourself to deal with any negative emotions and go talk to more cute girls rather than hype yourself up with inner game affirmations etc. and then not approach.
The guys that are intermediate or are self-aware are able to put themselves is a good mood before hitting the clubs.
I don’t want to get to go into genetic or biology theories, but all of us have mirror neurons where if you feel good, the people around you will feel good. If you feel sexy, the girl around you will feel sexy as well.
Understanding the Flow of the night
Night time interactions are a lot less structured than daytime approach.
There were many times, I found myself talking too much, touching her too late, or too little, in my interactions. I also find myself hesitating to approach after losing the initial social momentum. Relying on your emotional state to approach isn’t going to be helpful in the long run.
Figure Out The Sequence of the Night
A club is actually a really chaotic place with people moving around, the influence of alcohol, drunk friends and so many pretty girls to talk to. You gotta embrace the chaos. However, at the same time, you’ve got to have structure.
Finding a balance between structure and flow is the sweet spot in going out to a nightclub and picking up girls. If you’re in too much flow, then wrestle back control of your interactions. There’s a lot to be said about the logically structured part of clubbing interactions, but we’re going over the general mindsets for this post.
Having a rough picture of how a night should go and flow can help in your clubbing interactions.
Depending on your lifestyle and your friends, you might be meeting up for dinner or pre-drinks before that. One thing I don’t like about straight up pick up artists is that they ignore the human side of friendship and merely hit the clubs just to ‘sarge’. This is why their relationships are fucked in the first place. If everything is seen as economical or quantified nature, then their social interactions and relationships are going to be measured by the metrics as well.
I’m cool with pre drinks with friends and enjoying the process of hanging out with people. Actually, I rather it much that way.
- 11 pm to 1230am
Going in early, around 11, will allow you be approach sets in a social manner. This is the time where clubs aren’t that crowded yet. The ideal situation would be just to go in and start talking to the small groups of people and warm up socially. Rarely a girl is going to interested with you off the bat around this time. This time is about getting phone numbers, having a little bit of fun, and see where things go.
- 1230am to 300am
This is the point where you hit it hard, and find interactions to commit to. Collate the numbers you’ve gotten for the night and text all of them. Gauge their level of interest and go for the ones that are highest likely to go back with you.
Polarizing and finding out where you and she stand in the interaction are crucial.
If she sticks, most girls come in groups, with boys and girls, and you’re going to use this time as well to win over her friends and socialize as a group, and not just as the stranger who’s interested in their friend.
- 300am Onwards
This is the point where you’re ideally with a girl that likes you a lot, and her friends are comfortable with you being around her (and potentially bringing her home). You’ve established to her and her friends that you’re interested in her sexually, and her friends are alright with that.
Getting there is the part where ‘game’ comes in. It’s a fine balance between socially empathetic and socially dominant.
How to approach her in the club
Approaching at night has a lot to do with the subtle art of not giving a fuck. If you want to kiss a girl, you’re going to have to just do it, and not give a fuck. If you want to meet a girl, you have to get through everyone in the crowd and go talk to her, and no fucks are given.
There’s a lot to be said about not giving a fuck in night interactions. However, yet again, there needs to be a balance of having a structure in your night approaches.
Keep your sentences short and sweet. There’s no need to roll some golden shit off your mouth. The words that actually tumble of your mouth don’t really matter. It’s the intentions that matter more. Whatever you’re going to say in the club, it means this: I like you, that’s why I’m talking to you. She’s going to know what’s up.
Here are my two favorite lines:
“Hi, I’m Marcus”
“Hi, you’re cute, I just want to say Hi”
It’s simple. Your intentions are going to matter more than the words said.
Getting the approach down is just 5% of the picture. It’s what you do for the next 5 minutes in the interaction that matters.
Make sure that when you’re in the club, you’re going to be approaching. If your friends can’t approach, you are still going to approach. Be comfortable at approaching strangers and striking a 2-5 minutes conversations in the club. There’s a social momentum with it. Move on from interactions that don’t go anywhere.
Having Right Intentions
Why do some people get blown out or straight up ignored when approaching in the club? It’s intentions.
Girls are intuitive creatures and they can figure out your intentions. Girls don’t hear what you’re saying verbally, girls hear your intentions. You can say whatever you want to, but your intentions are always louder than what you say verbally.
Short Conversations: Cold Read and Tease
How do someone talks and flirt in the club? The clubs are noisy, you can’t talk much and you have to rely a lot on short sentences. The club is not a great place to have long conversations, hence it’s important to know how to flirt with her physically.
There’s a lot of social nuances to be taken note of in a club. People are there to have fun and not to have meaningful or deep conversations. I’m a nerd and enjoy nerdy conversations. However, in a club, it better to stick to cheesy flirting, good body language, and physicality.
Transitioning to physicality and using superficial layers of communications verbally is definitely a skill set. Cold reading and teasing should be done whilst c lose to her, and touch her lightly on the elbows or waist, to gauge how receptive she is to your advances.
“You seem like a really friendly person, what’s with the suddenly shocked look on the face? Do I look like a monster to you that popped out of nowhere?”
Teasing her shows sexual intent and interest. There should be a push-pull dynamic in your conversations and in how you touch her.
There was a point where I was cold reading too much in the club. I had to fine tune my approaches. I had to limit my interactions to one cold read for the purpose to break the ice, and then move on and add some teases, role playing whilst flirting with her physically. If the girl likes you, she’ll be okay with you touching her.
- Being Physical: Flirt and Get Physical Right Off the Bat
“You can be my little sister.” + Hug.
“I’m kidding, you’re awesome.” + Hug
Qualification and push-pulling should be complimented with shoulder hugs or waist hugs. Rinse and repeat this process and you’ll get an emotionally charged interaction.
Club game has also got a lot to do with just grabbing it by the balls and being physical with her. Pulling the trigger and polarizing the interaction is more one of the key aspects of picking up girls in the clubs. It’s also effective at getting a higher number of interactions per night.
Some guys go up and are immediately are too physical with the girl. That might get you massive attraction off the bat, but it’s not socially smooth and it’ll hurt chances with higher quality girls in the long run.
If you want to kiss a girl, you’re going to have to just do it, and not give a fuck. If you want to meet a girl, you have to get through everyone in the crowd and go talk to her, and no fucks were given.
Lead Her Physically
In a cold interaction, it’s about leading. You have to lead verbally, emotionally, physically and logistically. Girls, especially Asian girls, are not going to give you an inch conversationally, physically, or emotionally. It’ll be masculine/ slutty/ creepy for a girl to initiate even a conversation with a girl. She’ll be afraid of how other girls will judge her in that moment if she started initiating conversations or even touch.
Girls, especially Asian girls, are not going to expect you to lead. For cultural reasons, it can be seen as masculine/ slutty/ creepy for a girl to initiate even a conversation with a girl. She’ll be afraid of how other girls will judge her in that moment if she started initiating conversations.
Furthermore, the hotter girls are never going to lead for you. That’s because they get approached on all the time and are rarely at the end of the interaction where they have to take charge and lead.
Leading to the dancefloor is a good way to get physical with her, and a potential place to make out with her. However, there are just some girls that won’t go to the dancefloor, because of various reasons. She might want to stick to her friends, or her friends might judge her for going to the dancefloor with a guy and etc.
One tip I found out is to never ask, but to attempt to lead her physically. Just grab her by the hand, and get her to follow.
Being Comfortable with Your Sexuality
I know a guy who isn’t good at all verbally in the club. However, he approaches girls and claws them in with his muscular frame and attempts to kiss her within the first minute of the interaction. It’s a bold approach that polarizes girls immediately. However, it works. He gets laid a lot. Note: I’m talking about approaching Singaporean girls, in Singaporean night clubs.
I once thought starting out as a Singapore pick up artist that this style of approach isn’t going to work for a ‘conservative’ society like Singapore. Apparently, I was wrong.
Girls, especially the hot ones are going to be hitting the clubs as an entourage.
- Show Respect to The Guys
Talk to the guy, and give him the respect. Make him seem like the cool guy in front of his friends. Everyone likes to be appreciated and talked to, everyone likes to seem cool in front of others.
- Bring Value to Others
The first rule of life in any conditions: bring something to the table. Come from a point of adding to someone’s fun or his night. Don’t be a leech. Bring positivity, fun and add something to the group. If you’re dressed well, are having a good time and good emotions, you’ll automatically feel good and be able to ‘add’ to the fun of someone else’s night. Give before you take in social interactions, and in all of life.
- Be a Leader in Groups and Lead the Interaction
Most of the times, the most beautiful girl will have the highest social value in the group. The group will be compliant to her. Meaning to say that, others will follow her lead. If she’s okay with talking to you, her friends will be okay with her talking to you.
Sometimes, you won’t actually win her friends over, as they are all following her lead in the interaction.
But that’s not always the case.
It’s your job to pick a girl you’re interested in, and lead in conversation, physicality, and logistically. The rest of the group would either comply or tell you to fuck off. It’s the nature of polarization.
Note: Human interactions are always flawed and bumpy, it’ll never be perfect. It’s more important to every social interaction case to case perspective. Learning body language and making quick decisions on the spot in the club is crucial to staying in interactions.
- Kill Them With Kindness
- Make Him Look Like The One Taking Out all The Fun
- Move On to The Next Interaction
One other thing that helps a lot with immediate influence is your dress sense. If you’re dressed like you’re an influence, people will defer and give you more permission in social settings. One other method is learning how to give approval to others. If you notice something cool about someone, be it a guy or not, then express it. It’ll show that you have social dominance and connectedness.
Don’t be some creepy pick up artist that run creep routines or lines on others.
- Kill Them With Kindness
- Stay In Set
- Hook Her Up with Someone Else
One thing about social groups (and in life) is that you’ll have to aware of the self-interest of everyone at given point of time. What are their intentions and behavior? What do they want? Do they like the same girl as you do, and if so, how are you going to maneuver yourself in a socially savvy manner to get the girl that you want.
There’s no way about it. The art of attracting women is a controversial one. You’re going to piss someone off in the process of getting what you want out of life.
Taking Her Home
Committing to one girl and then making her friends know where you stand in the interaction, and asserting yourself is also crucial in club interactions. Girls pull away girls all the time, make sure that the wing you’re going out with is not weird, and socially apt.
If not, be friendly, but socially dominant with everyone, and assert yourself in the interaction.