I run two companies, am in the midst of pursuing a degree, travel every couple of months, love reading, workout almost daily and most importantly want to still make time for quality relationships. How do I balance everything out?
You often hear: ‘all you need is to hustle’. That’s rubbish. Hustle isn’t the answer. You and I are all cognitive misers and our behaviour is influenced by our environment more than you think. Powering through rarely works, especially when it comes to relationships, something that is out of your control.
If you’re career focused, an entrepreneur like me, that enjoys different aspects of life, how can you make time for relationships? Look, I’m not going to baby seat you and say that things will just fall into place. No surprises here, but you’re going to have to make time and effort to cultivate quality relationships in your life.
When you’re in work or University, all of these are all given to you. You can easily make connections through lectures, social groups, or have drinks with colleagues after work. However, that’s severely limiting. What if you don’t want to be limited by that?
Forget The Line & Strategies: Focus on Quality
One of the philosophy that I advocate on my site is to attract women from a point of honesty and authenticity.
These days, I don’t have time for lines, games and gimmicks. I polarize my interactions really quickly. If she’s not in, then she’s out. Judge people not by what they say, but by what they do. I hold these standards throughout my relationships. If someone and I have different values and value different things, then I’ll drop the relationship, and connect with new people.
I made the mistake in my earlier twenties by forcing relationships. You’re going to gel with someone people and you’re not.
There’s Something More Important
If you’re career focused, that’s a good thing. You already have something more important than your relationships. Yes, I said that you have to allocate time and effort to your romantic relationships, however, there’s no need to sacrifice your values and boundaries for them.
Just recently, a girl who I met a couple of months ago flew into Singapore and wanted to meet me. I wasn’t planning on meeting her anymore because things didn’t go well the last time I met her. She was too shy and too inexperienced. I didn’t want to babysit anyone. It’s just not worth it.
This time, when she was back in Singapore, she initiated the interaction and I thought, hmm, I’ll give it a shit. She’s pretty and I have nothing to lose. However, my patience with her was extremely limited. You’re going to value my time, if not, I’ll drop you. She rescheduled on me twice and had piss poor planning. I dropped her. I don’t care if the reasons are genuine or not.
It wasn’t worth the effort trying to chase someone who didn’t work out with me the last time around and reschedule on me twice.
Secondly, this isn’t University or your school days anymore. You should drop people who aren’t adding any particular value in your life. You should dump those friends that are a drain of energy. If you’re career driven, yet, you’re hanging out with bums after work, then let’s just say you won’t have any time for romantic relationships. You should evaluate all your relationships, and double down on the ones that are adding value to your life.
Thirdly, this relates to my second point. Who do you spend your time with? Do you spend your time with workaholics that only have work going on in your life? Or do you spend time with people who are also interested in meeting new people? Up till today, I keep close in touch with the top performers from the pick up artist community. It’s simple, I pick out the guys that are good, and I form a relationship with them.
Of course, I don’t do that out of a vacuum. I constantly add value to their life, whether be it in business knowledge or as a supportive friend. Here’s what I observed: the majority of people take their relationships for granted. They assume that their relationships are always going to be there, that’s because these relationships are built out of social circumstances: University or work. Hence, they never put in an effort to cultivate a ‘value added’ mindset. It’s about them, them and them.
Whenever I meet someone more successful than me, I’m always thinking, how can I add to their life? I value every single minute that someone spends with me, or I spend with someone.
Even if I have nothing to offer, I can at least make it easy for them to meet me. This includes: not being late and not being an asshole. Two simple concepts that a huge portion of people lacks. The world isn’t’ about you and your problems asshole/bitch. When you meet someone, it’s supposed to be a two-way interaction. Not just you and your stupid problems.
Making a Conscious Effort to Invest in Your Relationships
Hustle isn’t the answer. Whether if you’re a stockbroker, entrepreneur or in sales. Your productivity decreases after a certain time limit. What you spend working on the last 2-3 hours that you attempt to squeeze out isn’t going to be as productive as the deep work you do in the first 2-3 hours.
Overtime work is largely overvalued.
I made this huge mistake when I started my companies. I would sit in Starbucks, only be productive for an hour or two and sulk for the rest of the hours. The time that could have been invested in other areas of my life. Sometimes, I would even be ‘proud’ of that fact that I spent a whole day ‘hustling’.
Okay, now that you have this ‘all you need to hustle’ pressure off your back. You have free time to invest in your relationships.
Every month, I make sure I turn up for a public networking event. These events can be found on platforms such as Eventbrite. I don’t believe in networking to get clients. I do it to socialize, find potential business partners and as an investment in my relationships.
Every week, I also make it a point to make a 1-and-a-half-hour drive to participate in a football game. When I don’t, I show up to my University club to take part in Muay Thai training. I also keep a close circle of friends that aren’t from work or University who I invite out for chips and beer once a week. When I feel like hitting the clubs on the weekends, I know a bunch of guys that would be up for it. I have an ecosystem that works for me. These avenues allow me to invest in my relationships, build a sense of camaraderie that rubs off my self esteem as a whole.
These things didn’t just magically fell into my hands. I made the conscious effort, social skillsets, allocation time and effort to make these things happen over the last couple of years.