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How to Know if You Got a Good Coach in Success with Women

How to Know if You got a Good Coach in Success with Women?

‘Good game don’t seem like game, and it’s often monotonous and boring.’ – Todd Valentine
‘Judge someone’s ‘game’ by their average set.’ – Todd Valentine

Those lines are music to my ears.

I’m always wondering if I’m the only guy in pick up artist world that thinks that way. To be honest, I fucking hate social interactions that stand out like a sore thumb. This is especially so in an Asian setting like Singapore. It’s not socially intelligent to stand out TOO MUCH in your social interactions.

I also hate how everyone measures ‘good game’.

Some of them includes: day time instant make outs, instant dates, dating 3 girls a week, sleeping with 10 girls a month and all those superficial metrics.

Come on, be smarter than this.

Some important details to note:

  •  What are the quality of girls you’re dating?
  • How much fucking time are you over investing in this ONE area of your life? What’s your ‘return on investment’?

Your ‘game’, is only as good as the hottest/smartest and ‘whatever metric you want to use’ girl you dated. It doesn’t matter if you slept with 100 girls. Your ‘game’ is still determined by the quality of girls you date. Anybody can play the numbers game. You can go out 6 times a week, approach 100s of girls and eventually hit something.

Starting out, I was a lot less choosy, however, my focus as of today and my next 5 years is on business, academic performance, travel and experiences. These days, when I’m out with friends, I’ve often been criticized by being a lot more selective with my approaches. Yes, a lot of time, those were excuses.

However, the many other times, there’s a rationale behind it. You want to optimize your time and effort for quality. For your highest pay off.

Okay, I’ve watched some ideas float over the internet by ‘authorities’ both locally, and overseas, their thoughts on infield videos, natural game, social circle game, lifestyle mastery and pick up associated ideas.

Here’s what I think:

Psychology, Philosophy, Is it Necessary?

Yes, and NO.

You do NOT need to understand Carl Jung, Sigmund Freud and psychological models to get better at your social skillsets with women. For the first 2-3 years of me practicing this, I only barely scraped the SURFACE of such subjects and I was focused on getting the results: which is dating a hot girl.

However, as I became a lot more interested in human behavior, upbringing, childhood trauma, repression and attachment theory. That was when I dived deeper in psychology as an intellectual pursuit. However, you do NOT need MOST of that when starting out.

I’ve seen videos of dating coaches criticizing brands or ideas that focuses only the technical skillset of social skillsets, instead of paying more attention to the psychological aspect. That’s utter rubbish.

You do NOT need to know in-depth about psychology to get better with women.

However, with that being said, a basic understanding of popular psychology can be helpful, for example, understanding the psychology on how to attract women.

Thoughts on ‘Lifestyle Mastery’

You can have the best social circles, lifestyle and still NOT be good with women. I used to be someone somewhat similar to that, in my earlier teens. I had friends, large social circles, and yet, I didn’t go out on dates.

Whilst it’s important to have a supportive network of friends around you, that don’t fuck you over, talk shit behind your back and etc. You do NOT need to solely focus on ‘lifestyle mastery’ to get good at this.

It also shouldn’t be your primary focus, assuming you have money, some friends and a roof over your head. You should be focusing on the technical aspects.

Thoughts on Infield Footage

Infield footage in the arena of dating advice is mere proof of whether someone is good enough to teach you. To claim to ‘infield videos are a complete lie’ is merely justifying why you can’t produce a good infield video or demonstration.

‘Why should I make an infield video just to proof myself to you.’ – Some coach said.

Well, then why should I take advice from you?

On that note, I think it’s unavoidable, I’ll need get someone to film my average cold interaction in the near future.

Secondly, flashy infield videos do NOT count as good game. Flashy infield videos can include instant make outs, big movements, picking up girls and spinning them and etc. 
One thing I’d like to point out is: if you’re getting a girl’s number 2 minutes into an interaction, she’s probably giving it to you not because she likes you, but because she’s giving it to you just to give it to you.

Solid interactions and solid numbers take up to 10-15 minutes. Remember, great ‘game’ is monotonous, boring, repeatable, sustainable and relatable ESPECIALLY in the Asian context.

Thoughts on ‘Quality Girls’ and Online Dating

‘I went out of X number of girls on Tinder in the last Y number of weeks.’

Well, show me those pictures of the girls. Yes, if you’re bragging, I’m judging. Personally, I’m obsessed with quality. I got into this to date quality girls, I didn’t come into this to sleep with 200 girls, have bragging rights and feel miserable. I also didn’t get into this to sit behind my phone busy being their text buddies or online dating buddies.

You can also argue that the really attractive girls aren’t online.

Hence, quantity isn’t a good metric.

Secondly, online dating does not mean that you have great ‘game’. You’re just using online dating to avoid honing your social skillsets in itself, which is based on real life interactions.

I’m not Rejection Proof and I still Suffer from Approach Anxiety, Just like You

Lastly, I still get rejected a fuck ton, and I still have approach anxiety when I approach. I still screw up with girls on dates, over text and 5 days into the interaction. It’s just the name of the game. I’m just human.

Anyone who tells you otherwise, is lying.

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