How to flirt with a girl?
How to Flirt with a Girl – a Step by Step Guide
Flirting is a means to get to know a girl better, and it adds in some sexual polarity in an interaction. Flirting is also a great way to get to know a girl and build familiarity. Learning how to flirt with a girl is also a charismatic means to escalating the social interaction from a purely social one to a possible romantic/sexual one. If you want to be good a girls, learning how to to flirt with a girl is a social skill that should be inculcated into a social habit over the long run.
The Push/Pull Dynamic
The push-pull dynamic is a term coined by the pick up artist community to describe a methodology of flirting. It’s one of the basics of how to flirt with a girl. Basically, a push is when you ‘push’ a girl away with a tease or a something negatively playful. It sends mixed signals and intentions and is a behavior that girls find attractive.
However, only pushing in the interaction will leave her to think if you’re really interested in her or not. Either that, it’ll just show that you’re actually afraid of expressing your desire for her and that you’re using teases and banter as a way of covering up your low confidence.
The ‘pull’ is commonly known as ‘qualification’ in the pick up artist community. The pull is when you say: ‘I’m kidding, you’re cute’. It’s normally done after a ‘push’. This creates an “I love you, I hate you dynamic” which is arousing to girls.
Now, let’s add these dynamics in clubbing situations. When I approach, it’s considered a neutral behavior because I’m just going up and saying Hi. I normally follow up with a cold read and say she looks like a student, nurse or something. It’s important to come up with something to tease her about her job or current occupation. You could tease her about her current mood or whatever she’s doing. It’s a lead up from cold reading.
That’s a push.
Once you’ve pushed, she probably laughs or gives you a shocked looked. You ‘pull’ by bringing her in physically with a hug around her shoulders or waist (if you’re daring). It’s often done with a smile and verbally saying ‘I’m kidding, you’re awesome/cute”.
Once her hands are on your shoulders or your shoulders on hers, you should just leave it there to see how comfortable she is with it. It’s also establishing the frame among her friends or the group she’s with that she likes you and you’re now considered a ‘couple’.
For the push-pull to work, you have to establish a dominant frame in the interaction. It comes with the natural vibe of a person. If you’re working out, putting on good clothes, and having positive emotions in you, it’ll come naturally that you’re a socially dominant and connected individual.
You often hear pick up artists talk about ‘not expecting a reaction’ or being ‘free from outcome’ from the girl.
What they mean is that you’re teasing her because you find it funny and fun, and not to poke at her to get a reaction from her. It’s not about using it as a ‘technique’ or a ‘line’. It’s about having fun flirting in the interaction.
The Cold Read and Tease
Long time friends tease each other all the time.
- Embarrassing Physical or Personality Trait
Flirting can be done through a cold read about an embarrassing physical or personal trait in her, even if you’re just guessing and she doesn’t even have that trait. For example, claim she’s clumsy, or loud, or attention-seeking . Tie the trait to a children’s character, or being an immature youth and then expand on it to ridiculous proportions.
The whole point of this is that it’s done positively, and not negatively. That’s the difference between a tease and an insult.
“You are the sensible one, aren’t you? She’s always having dumb ideas and you have to make the decisions before everything goes disastrously wrong.”
“You’re a bad girl. She’s a nice girl – I can see it in her eyes. Your eyes are full of mischief. I don’t trust you. My mother warned me to stay away from girls like you.”
“You’re the older sister, right? Always watching the baby one and keeping her out of trouble.”
- The Country she Lives in
Teasing that she doesn’t fit into your image of her country.
“I have this idea that everyone from [her country] is [borderline racist stereotyping with humor].
Roleplaying used to be one of my favorite go tos to make the interaction fun and polarizing. My favorite one is the husband and wife and we’re going to get divorced role play. I use to milk this as a Singapore pick up artist.
“We’re getting divorced, you’re keeping the kids, I get the TV and the music”
Other role plays can be girlfriend boyfriend dynamic, brother and sister, teacher and student and anything you can think of. It’s interesting to introduce role plays because you can act out the role play (add in some physicality) and at the same time, it introduces uncertainty into the interaction, which is attractive for a girl.
Stereotypes are fun to play with. This can be localized as well.
How to Flirt with a Girl – Combining Verbals and Non Verbals
Just pushing and pulling with her isn’t enough. You have to add physicality in the interaction or she’ll sense that you’re not truly confident with your advances. The more attractive you have, the more girls are going to be shy and quiet around you, the more they’ll expect you to lead the interaction.
Pushing her away with a tease and then following up with a verbal pull and a shoulder huge or front hug is one of the ways to flirt with a girl physically. Rinse and repeat this push-pull dynamic and you’ll get a really emotionally charged interaction.
“Hi, I’m Marcus, you’re cute, what’s your name.”
“You look like you’re the fierce, independent type of girl, am I right?”
Just from delivering this two lines, one should tell her level of interest in interacting with you.
[Tease Verbally + Touch]
“Haha, so you’re one of those pretentious bankers with all that suit and tie. I’m just kidding, you’re awesome.” + Shoulder Hug.
Should you leave your hand on her shoulder or should you remove your hand? One of the golden rules of social dynamics is to assume that you know her like you’ve known her for years.
The push pull model can be rinsed and repeated in different variations at the initial phase of the interaction to build sexual tension.
When starting out at learning how to flirt with a girl, there’s a need to have a conversational and interactional structure when it comes to improving your interactions with women. Conversation, flirting, and physicality should be blended in together.
When improving your conversation skills, it should be coupled with improving your physicality skills and making it socially smooth for the girl. It’s also known as “charisma”.
It’s On You to Lead the Interaction
Remember: she’ll never escalate on you. It’s never going to happen. You have to be the one that puts your arm around her shoulders. You have to be the one that puts that arm around her waist. You have to be the one that takes her hand and drag her to the dance floor. You have to be the one that turns her around to face you on the dance floor. You have to be the one that has to go in for the kiss.
Your behaviors will run rampant into the defense mechanism that has held you back for your whole. But still, do it.
From my personal observations. 95% of the men out there have problems being physical fast with the girl. I guess I’ll have to point this out more often as a Singapore dating coach in the future. They are all waiting for the green lights.
There are no green lights.