I once wrote a post Singaporean men being losers and not sexually desirable, so, I thought I did one on Singaporeans girls being superficial or materialistic. So, are Singaporean girls really superficial and materialistic, or is just a projection of our insecurities or something that is ingrained in our culture?
Your Insecurities? Or are Singaporean Girls Superficial?
I did some Googling around, found a Quora thread on that, and some research on this question. Surprise, surprise, there’s research that goes to show YES, Singaporean girls are materialistic, most of them stating that when looking for a husband or a long term relationship, finances come into play.
From an evolutionary standpoint, yes, it makes perfect sense for females to want to be with males that has wealth and resources. Just like how males want to be with females that has positive indicators of the ability to give birth: nice hair, wide hips and etc. However, there’s research that goes to show that people choose mates not just because they want to fuck each other brains out, or give birth to a healthy offspring, but also other factors such as values, emotional attachment and etc.
So what gives?
I grew up in a traditional Asian, Singaporean culture family where I was told that if I did not do well in school, get a respectable degree, get a respectable job. I was a failure.
Guess how that worked out? I failed horribly in school, and went against my parents wishes 90% of the time. It also affected my confidence in life, and with girls.
I also probably projected some of those insecurities through relationships, but also with my life choices. I chose to measure my success based on 1) how well I did in school 2) how much money I was going to make in the future.
Cultural and mainstream influences bombard us every day. The movies and the drama serials. They all tell us the same narrative: The people with money get the pussy. In Singapore culture, I think there’s a huge measurement of success based on how well off financially you are.
One huge part mainstream culture, especially an Asian one plays is responsible for this as well. You want to get a girlfriend? Work hard, earn money, get a respectable job, be nice. Our parents are always telling us to be ‘useful to society’, to get a job, to get a degree and all of that. Not only these beliefs and worldviews hurt us life wise, it hurts us when it comes to dating success with girls in general.
You get tons of guys year after year, chasing degrees, cars, the next condominium, all… to get the… vagina.
I can’t deny it, it affects and affected me as well. This part why I chose to be an entrepreneur, and my degree was in finance.
However, how much of this dating issue is a money issue?
I know guys that are well off, but can’t land a date for nuts. I know guys that draw a handsome close 5 figure salary, drive a Mercedez Benz, but can’t get a quality date with Singaporean women to save his life. The misconstrued perception that you need lots of money attract girls is flawed.
If you display the behaviors of someone who potentially might become rich, famous, or successful, you’re equally attractive as someone who is already rich, famous or successful.
How about looks, popularity, intelligence and social status? Do girls in Singapore care about it? I think they do. We all do to a certain extent. However, it’s a problem when you use it as measurement of choosing a long term relationship.
I had a friend from a local University in Singapore, who told me she would on consider dating guys from a local University.
Growing up, I was told by my Asian Mum that if I didn’t get into the local Universities, I would be deemed a failure in life. I guess culture plays a role as well.
This is despite, reading tons of books, researching subjects that I am passionate about, and reading more than most of my friends. I am not only insecure about my paper qualifications, I am also insecure about ‘smart’ am I. I’m sure most Singaporeans guys face the same problems, and it’s a projection of our insecurities.
Guys often are insecure about dating up. They can’t date Singaporean women who is smarter than them, more qualified than them. They can’t date a girl who earns more than them. It’s a common insecurity in Singapore’s culture.
Looks is one of the factors that girls look at, as an indicator of status. This is researched. If you dress poorly and don’t shower, don’t expect to getting laid anytime soon. It’s not girls being superficial, it’s you being a bum. However, look isn’t the ONLY determinant if a girl is willing to go out on a date with you. From, experience wise, it rarely is.
Good looks help, but not having good looks doesn’t hurt either. The number of times you’ve seen not so physically attractive guys, with attractive girls, are countless right?
I think the good looks issue is something that affects not only Singaporean culture but the entire planet. It’s mainstream culture influence that tells us that we need the 6 pac abs to get girls. There were months I felt I was never ready to go out and talk to girls until I achieved a certain body weight. This was despite being in relative alright body shape.
The Mesh Up
Firstly, the research shows that Singaporean girls are materialistic, and Singaporean guys are insecure. With the combination of these two factors, you get an ugly mesh up of Singaporean guys projecting their insecurities about money to girls who are… materialistic? Here, I once wrote a whole article on Singaporean dating culture and it’s flaws.
These beliefs are often the results of the Singaporean cultural narrative: where success in life is measured by grades, money and status. Stories that have been told by our culture and society, and stories that we continue to tell ourselves.
Until our culture matures, and learn how to define itself not through traditional metrics of success, this is going to be the status quo.