Hi, I’m Marcus.
Marcus Social is a dating and relationship advice resource that is validated by psychological research and grounded in practicality.
I started my journey of personal growth 6 years ago when I broke off with my ex girlfriend. That me led down a fascinating journey of behavioral change, entrepreneurship and world travel.
On this blog. I write about psychology and behavioral change in relationship to dating and relationships. Feel free to leave comments and feedback. I read everything.
Through 6 years of successes and failures, I cultivated myself to be socially competent, anywhere around the world. Since then, my ideas around dating and relationships has evolved from pick up artist literature to psychological researched concepts.
Most importantly of all, I went from a broken hearted victim to an empowered individual.
The Story: From Heartbreak to Dating Coach
I started my foray into the PUA community as a young budding pick up artist when I chanced upon the book ‘The Game’ a few years ago.
I was once left broken hearted after a girl broke off with me whilst I was overseas on a trip. That left me in a depressive state that lasted close to 2 years. Imagine that! It took me 2 long years to get back on my feet.
I was also someone who once considered sex, dating and relationships as an area of life that is left purely to luck and fate.
I was desperate and wanted more control over my dating life. Through these painful experiences, I made a decision to cultivated myself to become someone that didn’t want to feel stuck in relationships. I grew obsessed with the idea you could better your social skills, your emotional life and are able to lead a much more empowered dating life.
These experiences fueled me on a journey of partial obsession, lots of pain, lots of growth, and insights into my own emotional realities. You can read my dabbles into the pick up artist community.
I started Marcus Social and a couple of other blogs to document years of insights of my own psychological growth.
Writing is a two-way thing, kind of a like a romantic affair. I’m writing for me, and at the same time, I am writing for you.
Getting You from Zero to Hero
Whilst it’s fun going out on dates after dates, falling in love in foreign cultures and all that good stuff, I realized I there was a lack of meaning my life.
William James, a famous psychologist, said:
Life has to spent on something that outlasts it.
I started helping students, working professionals, executives meet, date and attract their dream partners, expand their dating opportunities and ultimately feel more in control of their dating and relationship lives.
I found out that many people are taking the un-informed approach towards their dating life. That’s because most of them are applying what they read and hear on, mainstream media, Youtube and books such as like ‘The Game’. Unfortunately, a lot of these strategies aren’t researched or sustainable.
The pick up artist movement started in Westernized cultures. The strategies promoted in Western cultures are not going to work in a traditional Asian society like Singapore. You see guys starting out with this going for crazy spins and crazy approaches. Whilst this is great for Youtube, it’s not sustainable. It also paints an unrealistic picture on how social interactions actually work.
Secondly, a lot of dating advice is dished out in a manner where it’s often seen as a shady activity there’s often an anti-social notion around it.
It doesn’t have to be this way, furthermore, I don’t promote such philosophies.
If you’re going to treat everyone else like a robot, or an object, then, needless to say, you’re not going to get far in your relationship life. You’re merely objectifying your emotional lives.
Over the last couple of years, I worked closely with ambitious working professionals, executives, to go from rock bottom confidence to taking their first steps towards a lifetime of growth using the psychologically researched strategies.
How Does Your Resources Differ?
Firstly, the advice I put out on this site is backed up by decades of psychological research and I don’t make claims that can’t be backed up by data.
You’ll find multiple references to psychology, with citations, throughout my blog. I don’t write advice that I don’t use in may own life, or haven’t tested. I also include my first-hand real life stories on dating and relationships.
Let me ask you, how many people sign up for expensive seminars, go home, come back a year later with nothing much to show in their life? Well, that’s the majority.
So the question is this: how can you get real world results? It’s not paying thousands of dollars for motivational talks. It’s done through understanding understanding the science of human behaviour, backed up decades of research.
How Would You Summarize Your Philosophy?
1) The idea of self-improvement stems from the idea that you’re dissatisfied with certain circumstances in your life. However, there’s a problem there. How can you ever feel ‘enough’, if you’re always trying to improve yourself? Isn’t that the point of self development: to feel enough? Here’s my take on things: If you’re taking action in any form or manner, you are already enough, you are OKAY.
2) You’re here for the real dating advice, not overpriced seminars. You may get rejected. Your friends may hate you cause you decide to do something with your life. Whilst the majority of dating advice out there claims you can you get your dream girl without facing any rejection. I’ll help make rejection work for you. Rejection and pain, negative emotions are part and parcel of growth. They can even be useful and helpful to an extent. The point here isn’t to deny, nor suppress negative emotions, but to accept them, and eventually, understand how to use them it in our lives.
You see. The more you try, the more you come off as a try hard. The more you try to be attractive, the needy you become. The more you try to be cool, the more you’re going to come off as un-cool. The more you resist, the more anxious you get. The more you ‘try to be positive’, the more you feel shity about yourself.
The more you fear rejection, the more you get rejected.
3) Stop memorizing lines and techniques. Learn how to connect emotionally with yourself and others. Pursue girls from a point of vulnerability, courage and boldness. Become the best version of yourself. Humble yourself to the world. If you’re not failing, you’re not doing it right. Failure and rejection are inevitable, it’s how you deal with it that matters. Our greatest successes often come from our biggest failures.
The cornerstone of my philosophy is practicality and sustainability.
4) You’re going to die someday. Stop living out your life determined by society, your parents and your friends. Go, do something about it.
Should You Pay for Advice Coaching?
Coaching is beneficial when there are realistic expectations and information. I adopt psychological researched concepts that differ from the run of the mill concepts and material.
Belief #1) I’m Going to Figure it Out by Myself
There’s a common mindset that applies to both personal finance and dating. It’s the belief that if you just ‘tried harder’, or will yourself through pain, you’re going to succeed.
Getting a mentor, a community, and the personal accountatbility behind me really helped in keeping in track of my dating goals. I had people to discuss personal development topics with, I had people to go out to the clubs with, I had people to keep me back on track when I fall behind.
Psychological research shows that willpower is limited. However, if you got a community, like minded individuals, that’s where going out becomes an automatic event in your life, as oppose to something that you dread and have to ‘push through’.
Belief #2) I’m Not Ready
The second belief I came across is the belief that ‘I’m not ready’.
Here’s the truth: the stars will never align for you to do something about your life. This is why I don’t pay any attention to new year resolutions, I don’t pay attention to goals.
When is the best time to get fit? There’s no best day or time. There’s no right time to launch a business. There’s no right time to ask a girl out, kiss her, to take action in these areas of your life.
You can read all the books you want on approaching girls, but never doing a single approach yourself. You can read all the travel books and never buy an air ticket. You can read all the fitness books, but never hit the gym. You can get a MBA in business, but never start a business.
You’re doing this because you tell yourself: you’re not ready. You need more information, degrees, books, a new shirt, six pac abs, more money in bank, more ‘stability’ with your emotions and the tons of excuses. These are just ways for you to procrastinate.
Belief #3) ‘My friends think it’s a waste of money’
Your friends aren’t you. It’s your life. Right?
Belief #4) What if the Advice Isn’t for Me?
Something I came across also is: what if the coaching isn’t suited for me?
Look, there are heaps of advice sites out there, if not hundreds. These sites all have their unique stories and philosophies. I’m sure when you read these sites, there will be both advice that you agree and disagree with. However, just because that 1 paragraph of advice isn’t suited to you, doesn’t mean that all of the advice is bad or isn’t for you.
You’re just finding a way out to not take action.
I once made the argument that a lot of dating advice do not work in an Asian culture. However, there were many parts of their strategies that I helped me in my life up till today, that I constantly rely on. This is why I constantly rely on different resources from philosophy to psychology to help better my life.
The Upsides of Accountability
When it comes to social interactions, especially dating and relationship skillsets, the upsides of having a coach is that you get a third person’s perspective on your issues and problems.
This is why the best people in the world often hire personal trainers, psychologists and business consultants to help with their life. They could have read up on psychology on their own. They could have gone to the gym on their own. They could have read all the business theory on their own.
Why do they still pay, some times, top dollar for such services?
That’s because we’re all human, we’re flawed, we need a system of accountability and a 3rd person’s perspective.
We’re much more influenced by our environment than you think that you are. Willpower is limited. You’ll need a system to drive you in action effortlessly. By hiring a coach to keep you accountable, to give you the desired push when required, will go far in your success, especially in this area of your life.
Even if you aren’t going to be a client, feel free to read the material I put out on the site, and if you enjoyed it, do leave a comment, or email me.
Shout out to Joe Siegel for his awesome images. I use quite a bit of them for the blog and site.