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Singaporean Men

Singapore Men not Sexually Desirable and are Boring Losers?

I often visit the popular drinking night spot: club street in Singapore. Whenever I’m there, I’m flooded with the working crowd from the central business district. The hustle and bustle of it. It’s hard not to notice the expat crowd. They stand out from my everyday Singaporean surroundings, you know, Asian people walking around in office clothes. Secondly, it’s also not hard to ignore the demographic of local Singaporean girls dating foreign men.

It’s inevitable that a question pops out: Are Singaporean men undesirable? Are Singaporean men boring losers?

I did some research on the internet’s general sentiment on this subject. I found out on our popular blogger Xia Xue’s opinion on the state of Singaporean men. (She ended up marrying a foreigner.) This is another long article by a foreigner living in Singapore titled: ‘What’s wrong with Singaporean men’.

The Case Against – Singaporean Men are Not Boring Losers

Interestingly, I found statistics that the majority of Singaporean women are still marrying Singaporean guys. However, marriage can often be seen a rational and economical choice. It doesn’t really go to show the sexual desirability of the Singaporean men. There even evolutionary theories that suggests that girls choose to marry guys because of the long term safety and security. This, arguably, a Singaporean can provide.

Well, I personally don’t think Singaporean men are complete losers in life. The average Singaporean men has gone through mandatory two years of military training, and the majority of us are formally educated. This isn’t a ‘loser’s mentality’.

I take our founding Prime Minster’s Lee Kuan Yew’s quote on this:

You know the Singaporean. He is a hard-working, industrious, rugged individual. Or we would not have made the grade. But let us also recognise that he is a champion grumbler.

Our Culture: The State of Singaporean Masculinity

However, I think Singaporean men are ‘boring losers’ when it comes to standing up for their own ideals and values. This is the opportunity cost of a relatively conservative Asian culture. Free speech is known to be compromised in Singapore to a certain extent.

Then again, wouldn’t that make the general Singapore population ‘boring losers?’, and not just Singaporean men?

I’m writing as a Singaporean male bred and born from the heartlands in Singapore.

I think that Singaporean men are ‘losers’ in a way that our life choices are often dictated by the judgment and opinions of society. This includes our friends and our family. We never bothered to differentiate ourselves in a manner that might be different from a societal norm. This plays out in our career choices as well. Singaporean men often choose the more ‘safe choices’ of being an accountant, a lawyer, or medicine as their career choice. You often also hear people lament that the arts, music scene in Singapore is a dead end, and there’s no money in art of music.

There is often Asian cultural pressure of guys needing to be seen as financially successful. Hence, we often sacrifice our own ideals and values for the sake of financial success. When you adjust your behaviour to follow suit with society with the fear of being seen as different, or standing out, then what does that say about you?

I was always interested in entrepreneurship and knew I would end up doing ‘business’ since I was a teenager. However, I hesitated to launch this business as a Singapore dating coach for years because I was afraid of the controversiality of teaching guys how to attract girls. If I had been honest with myself, I enjoy reading up on psychology, and it was the fear of being different that held me back. I had knew I had to try eventually.

It’s also a norm in Singaporean culture to stay with Mum and Dad till you’re married. Rent is expensive in this city and almost everyone I know stays with their parents (including me). That’s a problem many Singaporean men face.

I often hear friends saying that they aren’t being able to bring a girl back home, as he’s afraid to anger his parents. That’s not only a form of sexual shame, but that’s also a lack of boundaries. Not only that, we never truly break away and learn to be independent away from the safety and comfort of our parents home.

I always notice a stark difference in motivation whenever I’m back home with my parents as compared when I’m travelling alone abroad. I always felt more free and motivated to pursue my own endeavours when I’m living alone.

Modern Freudians believe that the defining emotional struggle for men is emotionally disassociating from the safety and care of the emotional attachment with their mother. If we’re always housed by our parents, fed by our mothers, then how can we break free and define ourselves?

The Singaporean Education System

Secondly, the Singaporean education system doesn’t really encourage you to stand up for yourself or think outside of the box either. You’re spoon fed and told to just follow the system. Sometimes, arguably, the aim going to University of it isn’t the actual role of learning but to get the highest grade in your examinations.

From day one, we’re told by the government, our friends, our parents that our role here on planet earth is to fulfil your parents/society wishes of you being an accountant/lawyer/doctor or an engineer.

However, are you really passionate or least bit curious about those subjects? How can you gain mastery in a subject if you’re just doing to gain examinations entry into another University?

I remembered that I chose to go to a Junior college just to make my mother happy. Some might see it as filial piety. In hindsight, I merely didn’t want to piss my Mum off. However, I would definitely be happier in a Polytechnic environment, rather than a stringent academic setting in  Junior college.

Singaporean Men

Sexual Shame in our Singaporean/Asian Culture

Sexual shame inflicts not just Singaporean men, but Asian men all over the world. We’re often stereotyped to be more shy, conservative and a general lack of masculinity. That’s unfortunately, true to a certain extent as well. I often observed that the female figure in Singaporean families being the more dominant one, making decisions in the household.

For some weird reason, chasing and hitting on girls is something that I shamed upon in modern society. We’re not taught to openly discuss our emotions, and sex is seen as a bad thing. What!?! I remembered that the topic of sex, relationships and emotions were NEVER discussed during family dinners when I was young. Needless to say, I was piss poor with my relationships with girls and that single-handedly inspired my journey as a pick up artist.

This lack of emotional depth and sexual shame may lead to us guys being perceived as ‘boring’ and ‘unexpressive’.

The Endless Singaporean Chase, The ‘5 Cs’

Are Singaporean Men Boring Losers?

So what happened to the old ideas of going to a good University, pleasing Mum and Dad, getting a secure job, purchasing an HDB, getting out 2.5 kids and living out our lives like that? That model used to work for our parents. That’s because that was what it was required economically for their generation at that point of time.

Our society has evolved to a place of financial luxury. This is true for Western cultures and in Singapore.

Historically, men attached their entire identities to their careers and professions. That’s who they were. That’s where we’ve always derived our sense of self worth. That’s how we asserted out emotional autonomy.

However, it’s is a more well off society, girls have equal opportunities. There even are many cases of girls outperforming men in Math and Science. It’s also not surprising to see women work as hard and even harder than men. Furthermore, in Singapore, it’s a meritocratic society. How can men define themselves through those old identities anymore?

What do you get out of this? Hundreds of Singaporean men working in jobs they don’t enjoy, just to keep impress people they impress people they don’t like, to earn money they don’t need and splash it on the common Singaporean 5 Cs: Condo, credit card, car, cash and country club membership.

You get a generation of successful men who are pushovers, don’t assert themselves, can’t get a date, and end up embroiled with sex with mommy issues.

It’s no longer enough to define ourselves as men through our paycheck.  It’s no longer enough define ourselves as Singaporean men through old fashion ideas of stoicism and hard work. That might have worked for our forefathers.

There’s no longer any socially universal norm of masculine achievement. We find ourselves as the first generation of men that must create our own.

This isn’t easy. In a multitude of ways, we’re ill equipped.

Striking out on our own paths and creating our own rite takes courage, ambition, technical skill: all conventional masculine traits. However, it also takes introspection, emotional awareness, vulnerability and a willingness to fail.

Unfortunately, traits that aren’t really emphasised in the Singaporean culture.

How to Hook Up in Singapore

How to Hook Up in Singapore? – The Definitive Guide

Hooking up in with local Singaporeans girls is often lamented as a close to impossible feat in the pick up artist community.

I often get feedback from BOTH guys are and aren’t in the Singapore pick up artist community that hooking up with traditional homegrown Singaporean girl is a difficult task.

It’s true to a certain extent, from personal experience. It’s much harder to approach a traditional Singaporean Chinese girl from the streets, hold a conversation, get her number, go out on a date and end up hooking up with her.

However, I don’t like missing out on opportunities and I genuinely do enjoy dating some of the more reserved Singaporean next door kind of girl. If you come from a mind frame you’re patient, empathetic enough, you might just influence her with your more liberal values.

How to Hook up in Singapore – The Guide


It’s a numbers game, the more times you try, the better more leads you got, the higher chance of success.

There are also certain principles that can help you better understand how to hook up in Singapore. This Asian centric culture.

1) Take all Responsibility Away From Her

One of the defining philosophies that was born out of the pick up artist community is the idea that you got to understand the ‘slut factor’.

Basically, if a girl hooks up with a guy, she’s a slut. If a guy hooks up with a girl, he’s a ‘boss’. It’s a double standard by modern society… that makes sex, dating and relationships harder.

This means: If she makes a move on you, she’s a slut for doing so. This is why girls in the Singaporean or Asian culture are going to be more passive when letting you know that she’s interested in you.

You got to come from a mind frame that if she hooks up with you, it’s your doings and your actions. It’s not her fault nor responsibility at all. If you take all responsibility away from her, she’s allowed to blame you or external circumstances when you make your sexual advances. She’s able to justify it to her friends, and society. Her friends that probably judge her but are equally jealous that she hooked up with an awesome guy like you

Guys that got ‘good game’ go to lengths to make sure she’s not perceived as a slut. They are socially aware of what’s happening around them. This can mean only kissing her when her friends aren’t around, knowing when to make the right excuses and being empathetic about her current mood and feelings.

2) Use The Right Language

One thing that I noticed about myself back in the day is that I needed to justify why I was touching a girl. This is probably because I started I was afraid of my own sexuality as a male.

When hooking up with a girl. There’s no need to say: Let’s Fuck.

I know, in this blog I advocate honesty. However, not radical honesty. It just shows you aren’t socially intelligent. If you’re verbalising everything, you’re also showing a lack of vulnerability. Which is unattractive and a turn off for her. It shows that you aren’t able to put yourself out there emotionally and have to somewhat verbalise and justify your sexual advances.

There’s no reason to say why and when you’re going to touch a girl. Furthermore, flirting with girls physically is shown to turn girls on. Girls have the desire to be desired. So, touching her and demonstrating your desire for her is a good thing. There’s no need to be ashamed about that.

Find a Perfect Excuse to Get her to Yours

Assuming you’re on your third date, that you guys are already making out, and the next logical step is sex. It’s time to take her home.

How to Hook up in Singapore 02

I remembered that I would awkwardly drive my Dad’s car to my place without asking her if she wants so to come after a date near a bar at my place. The girls would normally just silently comply.

The general rule of getting her back to yours isn’t to ask her. It’s to lead. It’s to make it subtle and socially intelligent. Finding an excuse to get her back to yours is a socially intelligent way to do it. I recommend that you stock up on alcohol at yours and then ask her over the get drinks.

I remembered that in Japan I asked the Japanese girl I was dating if she want’s to get a beer at mine. She agreed, and she barely touched the beer.

These days, I’ll merely go: ‘Let’s hang out at mine’ and lead.

I also noticed that Singaporeans guys are often faced with the problem of staying with their parents. I recommend ironing out this problem out with your parents. It’s the matured thing to do.

Be Empathetic about Hooking Up and Talk Openly about It

The term last minute resistance or ‘LMR’ is commonly used in the pick up artist community.

It’s when girls resist last minute when she’s already in your room or bed. I’ve had these situations three-four times throughout my dating career. The solution to this isn’t to use some technique to trick her into sleeping with you. There are ways to play on people’s fear of loss and abandonment, however I don’t recommend that.

It’s vulnerability. It is to empathize with her. I always stress this as a Singapore dating coach.  Ask her if she’s comfortable with you. Is she looking for a long term relationship? Does she feel uncomfortable to hook up before a relationship/marriage? What are her values?

When I was dating a Japanese girl in Tokyo, I had her over and she said: ‘We’re not going to have sex’. I immediately replied: ‘Yup, we aren’t.’ I was totally chill about it. To be honest, it’s a turn off to me when sex is forced or manipulated. Guess what, we end up doing it anyways.


Hooking Up in Tightly Knitted Social Circles

If you’re looking to hook up with a friend of a friend of a friend. Then keeping your mouth shut about dating her is going to help lower the cost of her hooking up with you. Modern society shames a girl for sex. This is especially true for an Asian cultured society like Singapore. She doesn’t want others around her and you to know about you guys dating.

I used to purposely take a girl out of University grounds just for the sole purpose of not letting others know that we’re dating.

Hooking up through social circles are the majority’s strategies to get laid. I find that girls are often much more receptive with guys that they know from friends of friends. This is also observed in many social psychological studies.

One way to get good at this is to have a wide social circle of friends. However, if you’re like me, a lone wolf that doesn’t enjoy the mindless politics in social circles, then you might want to learn how to approach girls in the day and night clubs.


Okay, assuming the sex really isn’t going to happen. It’s past midnight and are you going to let her stay?

I used to be alright with girls coming over and not wanting to hook up. I even rationalized it as ‘at least I got someone to hug to sleep.’ That was perhaps my values at that point in time. However, these days, if nothing is going to go down, I’ll politely ask her to leave.

Closing Thoughts on How to Hook up in Singapore

Understanding how to hook up in Singapore with local Singaporean girls is going to take time and patience. If you’re not into long term relationships, be prepared to minimally time, effort and emotions into the dating game. This means going for 2-3 dates before hitting home run.

This means going extra lengths showing her that you care for her as a human being and not as a sex object.

That’s ultimately, good game.

How to Make More Friends in Singapore

How to Make More Friends in Singapore? – The Definitive Guide

I enjoy travelling, I don’t like routine and enjoy making new friends. In addition to that, the line between being a freelancer, entrepreneur and broke is often really thin. On months when I don’t have any freelance projects going on, I’m pretty much forced into employment. I’m then forced to learn how to make more friends in Singapore itself, to be flexible in any kind of different social situations.

How to Make More Friends in Singapore?

Over the last couple of years, I’m forced to make new friends wherever I go. So, assuming you’re a foreigner here in Singapore, or just a Singaporean guy looking to make new friends in his own country. How do you go about doing so?

How to Make More Friends in Singapore

Forget What Your Parents Said About Talking to Strangers

It’s not uncommon to hear Asian/Singaporean parents tell you to not to talk to strangers whilst growing up. This is further enforced by Singaporean culture: Talking to strangers is a weird thing. It’s a screwed up cultural flaw and needs to be changed.

To make new friends, you need to learn how to talk to strangers. Duh, of course. Learning how to talk to strangers can help with your shyness, and build conversational skillsets.

In any given job scope, you’ll be required to comminute to your co-workers and bosses. Learning how to spark conversations if is an important skillset. Furthermore, if you’re in the sales line, you’ll be required to socialize, network and pitch your products and services.

It’s often said that your network, is your network, that’s more than true.

Don’t Just Focus On Grades and School

It’s a Singaporean culture to totally ignore your social life and just focus on your grades in Junior College up till University. That might work for you for school and your career, but that’s not going to do much for you for your social life and your dating life.

Furthermore, there’s tons of research that back up that people who are more emotionally intelligent tend to be more successful in life. So yes, it’s time to loosen up, make new connections and take part in more social activities within your school and your workplace.

Explore Your Demographics

It’s time to pursue that passion of yours that you’ve always wanted to but held back. Joining local clubs and connecting with people with similar interest groups can help you make more friends in Singapore. Either that, take part in free networking events in Singapore. and Eventbrite often host free/ low cost events. You can meet like minded individuals that might turn out to be great friendships in these events.

For eg. I value education. I’m going to hit it off better with guys and girls that value education. These people can be found in University.

If you’re University, it’s easy, just take part in school activities.

Stop Playing into Traditional Asian Stereotypes

This is Hollywood’s fault for stereotyping us Asians as conservative, not- go-getters. Asians are commonly stereotyped to be more conservative, shy and withdrawn.

For every stereotype, there’s some truth to it. That’s on the average, true.

Whenever I’m in a Western culture I get a cultural shock at how people are much more open as compared back in Singapore. However, that doesn’t mean you’re limited to your culture. Screw the stereotypes and start learning to redefine yourself.

Change The People Around You

I know, it’s scary.

When I was trying to get my dating life handled as a young budding Singapore pick up artist, I lost a good bunch of people around me.

However, I took the opportunity to network with like minded people, hit the clubs together, travelled solo, explored my interests and expanded my demographics. If your friends are all social dead ends that have nothing going on for them on Friday night, you’re likely going to end up like them too.

Look, I’m not saying dump your friends, but you got to really take a close look at your long term friendships.

Do these people have similar life values as you do? Or are they secretly shitting on your endeavours?

There was a period of time where a couple of my good friends called me superficial for hitting the clubs trying to pick up girls. Is that really so? Was I superficial for was I merely attempting to better my dating life?

Learn Social Skillsets

Last but not least, it’s useless to show up in social situations not knowing how to make connections. Don’t worry, all of these can be learned.

If you want the fast track, hire a Singapore dating coach, I’ll coach you personally. Either that, read my free guides (you cheapo). They are written for especially to help guys get good with girls, which is the whole point of this blog, but the same principles apply (just take away the flirting).

  1. How to Start a Conversation with a Girl
  2. How to Story Tell
  3. How to Keep a Conversation Going with a Girl

Building these social and emotional habits will take time. However, it’s better to start later than never. I’ve travelled all over Asia, solo, and in every country, these conversational skillsets have help me make new friends in these foreign countries.

Closing Thoughts

I want to close off by saying that not everyone you meet in Singapore or in foreign countries is out to make new friends. Not everyone’s going to be a perfect fit. However, if you pursue passions closer to your values, you’re going to find yourself in a better position.

I also like to add in that sometimes, the Singapore cliquish culture gets in the way. People stay in the same tightly knitted social groups for years since they are 16. It’s hard to break into them. That can get in the way of making new friends in Singapore. However, if for the demographics of 25 and above (post-University) it can get easier. That’s from personal experience.

Day Game Singapore

Should You Go Out To ‘Day Game’ in Singapore?

Every time I hear someone mention the word ‘game’ when it comes to picking up girls, it creeps me out. ‘Hey bro, are you going to Somerset to day game?’. When did meeting girls become something that you can treat like an actual video game? The term day game is thrown around in groups chats consisting of Singapore pick up artists, with group meet ups and events specifically to ‘game’.

So, What is Day Game?

For the non pick up artists, let me explain. Day game is a term coined by the PUA community to go out in a daytime setting to pick up girls. It’s borne from the idea that you can stop a girl in her tracks whilst she’s going along her day, go up to her, and create an opportunity to get to know her.

Day Game in Singapore

There’s the direct approach, where you go up and let her know your intentions directly, and there’s the indirect approach, where you don’t hit on her outrightly, but perhaps chat her up by complimenting her or starting a random conversation.

This is often practiced in shopping malls, streets and the popular shopping districts. The Singaporeans like going out to Orchard Road and Somerset to pick up girls in Singapore.

Come On, It’s 2017, We’re Still Using the Word ‘Sarge?’

I got to address this issue.

From time to time, I hear to word sarge pop up. ‘Let’s go sarge later tonight’.

The term sarge is used to describe the action of going out with your buddies to pick up girls. It has as creepy connotation to it. I got nothing against terminology, however, the term ‘sarge’ is often used in conjunction to treat social interactions like an object.

Basically, you’re going out with other guys for the SOLE purpose of picking up girls. Come on, seriously? There’s nothing more that irks me when guys hang out with me just for the pure say of approaching girls. When you hang out with me, I expect you to treat me like a human being, and not just some dude that you go out with JUST to ‘game’.

It’s no wonder why guys that get into this suck at relationships with both guys and girls.

Furthermore, even major dating advice companies like Real Social Dynamics are leaning towards self development. It’s no longer the old days of going out to ‘sarge’, breaking down social interactions frame by frame, writing lay reports or dissecting texts from girls.

Should You be Going out to Day Game in Singapore? 

Now, let’s go back on topic. If you’re getting into this getting with good with girls endeavour. Should you be out practicing day game in Singapore?

The answer is Yes.

I recently wrote a how to pick up girls in Singapore guide. Approaching girls in the day is one of the best ways to expand your dating opportunities.

Furthermore, she doesn’t know you, you don’t know her friends and she doesn’t know yours, there are low implications involved. Getting good at cold approaches in a day time setting is also advocated by many other dating coaches and pick up coaches.

The Difference Between Day Game and Approaching an Attracting Stranger

There’s a difference between practicing ‘day game’ and approaching an attractive stranger from a place of vulnerability. In the former, you’re relying on your scripted lines and techniques. You’re treating your social interactions like an object. If she says this, counter with this, and that. If she shit tests you, be free from outcome. It’s slimy stuff.

If you’re self invested in yourself and want to come from a place of true confidence, you’re going to approach her out of curiosity and vulnerability. This means coming from a place of courage and empathy. That’s what you want to be gunning for in the long run.

Long term true confidence.

Furthermore, you don’t want to be using terms like ‘day game’ and ‘sarge’ amongst your friends. You want to make meeting girls relatable and normal.

Imagine walking down the streets of Singapore with a group of friends and you see a girl you really want to talk to. You’re not going to turn to your friends and say: ‘It’s DAY GAME time!’ Right? They’re going to find you socially awkward and weird.

You’re going to just confidently tell your friends you find her attractive and you’re going to talk to her.

Then off you go.

Should You Have Wings when ‘Day Gaming’?

One other thing I noticed when going out with guys from the Singapore community is that they get the whole idea of wingmanship WRONG. They approach girls in with their ‘sarging buddies’.

The game plan is this: One of them will distract the other girl, the other will distract the Mum, and the last one will isolate the target. What the fuck?

Girls aren’t stupid. They see through your intentions clearly. Furthermore, you’re treating the process of meeting girls as if you’re going to a war. Social interactions should be fun and light hearted.

It shouldn’t be seen as something to be tackled objectively. Coming from this mind frame won’t work either way. Singapore has a relatively conservative Asian culture, and you guys swooping in like that like a SWAT team is going to get negative responses.

Like I’ve mentioned, getting good at this in Singapore requires sensitivity and empathy. Two values that aren’t really promoted in pick up artist land. This unique perspective is something I plan to address as a Singapore dating coach. Yeah, you heard me: sensitivity and empathy.

So, destroy your ideas about approaching girls, isolating her from her friends and all of that wingmanship theory. You don’t need wings in ‘day game’. If she’s with her friends, just say acknowledge her friends and turn your attention back to her. The same rule applies if she’s with her Mum, cat or dog.

You don’t need to apologise, distract or isolate anyone to meet an attractive girl walking down the streets.

Why would a truly confident man need that?

You just need you.


How To Pick Up Girls in Singapore

How to Pick Up Girls in Singapore – a Definitive Guide

This is a spin off from my how to approach girls guide. I thought I wrote a how to pick up girls in Singapore guide specifically for the Singapore culture. I often hear pick up artists lament that Singaporean girls can’t be picked up. There’s even an article by a well known pick up artist lamenting that it’s a close to impossible task.

Is that true?

For every rumour, there’s some dose of truth in it. Yes, the Singaporean culture is more closed off than Westernized cultures. Singaporean girls are generally harder to approach off day time approaches.

How to Pick Up Girls in Singapore: Context

Singapore is an Asian value based society with people choosing to stick in highly knit social groups. I grew up in a social environment where grades, results were emphasised on, and not emotional intelligence. The people here (including girls of course) aren’t generally equipped with social skills to continue a conversation with a stranger. Hence, you’re going to get awkward silences and shifty eyes if you don’t know what you’re doing.

Looking Like Friendly Stranger

The first step to picking up girls in Singapore is dressing well.

The Singaporean culture is already a conservative one. Whilst most pick up artists obsess over ‘attracting strategies’ when picking up girls in Singapore, you should focus on making her feel comfortable. It’s going to help a lot if you look like a friendly stranger that she feels comfortable to meet and talk to.

You don’t have to go overboard and go walking around shopping malls in suits. However, you got to minimally alright. This means shirts, jeans and shoes that fit.

This is a good example of looking like a friendly stranger

The Statement of Empathy

When most people ask me what’s ‘my game’ about. I say it’s ’empathy’. They often give me confused look. Empathy? What’s that? How does it even work?

Basically, empathy is putting yourself in someone else’s shoes and imagining how he or she feels in that particularly situation.

Imagine this, she’s going about her day, rushing off to meet her friends, or some work meeting, and you, an unknown stranger, rolls up to her, stops her, and tells her in her face that she’s cute and are invested in the prospect of dating her.

That’s a lot for a girl who barely knows you. This is especially so if you’re doing it in a public setting, or when she has her friends/ her Mum around. You’re going to have to be empathetic in such situations and put yourself in her shoes.

So, before you actually tell her the actual reason why you’re hitting on her, you can say: :

  • ‘I know this is really out of the blue’
  • ‘This can be quite upfront… however…’
  • ‘I know you’re feeling nervous…’

These are statements of empathy.

Secondly, you should also be mirroring her body language. If she looks shocked and slightly taken a back, you can take tiny step back and give her more personal space. Here’s a tip: a light smile helps a lot.

Such subtleties are different for everyone. Some guys have to be more aggressive, others got to be less aggressive. It’s also different for different girls you approach. Girls who are more shy are going to be a lot more taken a back from girls who gets approached regularly.

The Direct Approach

When starting out, you’re going to be really worried about lines, techniques, your body language, tonality, eye contact and etc. It’s normal.

However, as you progress with this. You’ll see picking up girls similar to being a big happy puppy going around chatting girls up. She feels what you feels. It’s the principle of mirror neurons. You’ll also find that getting rejected isn’t that bad after all, and most girls aren’t going to slap you in the face when you talk to them.

I often go direct when I approach a girl in a day setting. I’ll lightly go up to the girl and say:

“I know is this kind of random, but I thought you’re really cute and I just had to say Hi.”

I always use this exact line when approaching girls in a day time setting.

I know guys that are more comfortable with going the indirect route. I’m quite impatient by nature and I like getting my message across, so going direct is more congruent to my personality.

It also depends on situation to situation. Sometimes, I go indirect. It can be making an observation on the book she’s reading while at the library, or making an observation about something or someone in the common environment that we’re in.

Using Your Conversational Toolbox

One caveat to picking up girls in Singapore, especially in day time settings, is that you’re going to have to lead in conversation 99% of the time. This means being able to generate conversations out of mid air, that doesn’t make you look like you’re an interviewing her, and at the same time encourage the girl to open up and talk about herself. That’s a lot for the beginner. Hence, I recommending understanding these skillsets before going up to a random stranger.

This can be accomplished by statements and questions. To avoid looking like an interviewer, the general rule of thumb is to make a statement before asking her a question. I kind of accepted the fact that questions are inevitable in the Singaporean setting. Just going with purely cold reading and making statements isn’t going to help.

You got to understand this, most of the people (including girls) here aren’t equipped with social skills to deal with a conversation with a stranger. I’ve lived here for 25 years of my life. I’m pretty sure I can give a well informed insight into this. She’s going to be dumbfounded that you approached her, and she’s going to freeze up. You job is to that interaction.

Here’s a breakdown of an interaction:

‘Hi, I know this is kind of random, but I thought you were cute, and I just wanted to say Hi’.

“You look like you’re on the way to school. Nice shoes by the way. Let me guess, you must be a business student.”

She’s going to either correct you or agree with you at this point of time.

This is an example of a direct approach, cold read, sprinkled with a light compliment. Sometimes, compliments can help ease the interaction. The next step is to express something about yourself, and your values and pop question.

“I study accounting, I don’t really enjoy it, but the practical side of me says that I got to do it, what about you, you’re passionate about business or you’re just following the path of a Singaporean girl?”

Following up from her response, you can continue asking her questions or make a statement to relate to her. Free association and conversational improvisation skills are required to generate a continuous conversation. This requires some practice.

You should also attempt to tease her early on in the interaction. For Eg. You can tell her that she’s probably going to lose money for a company from the way she’s dressed if she’s a business student. Or something along those lines. You can’t script or prepare humour, it’s practiced by free association and improvisation.

I find it useful to stick to general principles such as teasing her about her stereotype that she fits into.

How to Get Her Number

For a solid interaction, you’re going to require at least 5 minutes with her to consider you as a potential dating partner. I find that interactions that last lesser than 5 minutes don’t go anywhere for me. If she likes you, and assuming you don’t screw it up, your conversation is going to last more than 5 minutes.

Once you feel you’ve gone from stranger to acquaintances, you should ask her out for a date right there and then. Since you’ve already expressed interest upfront, it’s alright to ask her out for coffee. I always do that. Ideally, you can make a statement about it.

“You’re nice to talk to, let’s grab coffee some day.”

When she agrees, then ask for her number. There’s no perfect line to ask for her number. Sometimes I just blurt out: ‘What’s your number?’ or ‘let’s exchange contacts.’The words are superficial, it’s the intention underneath it that counts.

If she says no, then it’s alright as well. Just wish her well and move on. Rejection is part of the game.

Closing Thoughts on How to Pick Up Girls in Singapore

Now, this approach to meeting girls is an unconventional one, especially so in Singapore. You’re not going to get rejected a lot, and you’re going to get quite a bit of shy/ weird states. However, it’s doable, I’ve done it, and I know one guy who is specifically great at meeting girls in the day time.

I understand that learning how to pick up girls in Singapore can be a quite daunting task. If you’re looking to better your dating life and assuming you have a strong network of social circle, you don’t really have to go out picking up girls off the streets. You can focus on bettering your own psyche, build social skills, and leverage of your current demographics to meet girls.

When I was in University, I barely bothered with meeting girls through this method. That’s because there were many social opportunities around me, there was no need to go cold.

However, as a Singapore dating coach, I recommend guys who want to get their dating life handled to minimally know how to approach girls in clubs, which is a less daunting setting than in the day.

I always hear guys say: I don’t like shitting where I eat. I say, bullshit. Everyone shits where they eat because they’re forced to. The majority of people are going to end up dating girls or guys within their social circles and demographics. There are going to be mutual friends or colleagues involved.

How many people you know have the social skillsets and the courage to actively make new connections on the go? Well, assuming you don’t have any friends who’ll actively introduce you to other females, then this is a great way to about it.

It can be done. Remember, it’s a numbers game. The more rejection, the more tries, the more successes.

Singaporean Women

Your Insecurities? Or are Singaporean Girls Superficial?

I once wrote a post Singaporean men being losers and not sexually desirable, so, I thought I did one on Singaporeans girls being superficial or materialistic. So, are Singaporean girls really superficial and materialistic, or is just a projection of our insecurities or something that is ingrained in our culture?

Your Insecurities? Or are Singaporean Girls Superficial?

I did some Googling around, found a Quora thread on that, and some research on this question. Surprise, surprise, there’s research that goes to show YES, Singaporean girls are materialistic, most of them stating that when looking for a husband or a long term relationship, finances come into play.

From an evolutionary standpoint, yes, it makes perfect sense for females to want to be with males that has wealth and resources. Just like how males want to be with females that has positive indicators of the ability to give birth: nice hair, wide hips and etc. However, there’s research that goes to show that people choose mates not just because they want to fuck each other brains out, or give birth to a healthy offspring, but also other factors such as values, emotional attachment and etc.

So what gives?

Singapore Women2

Your Insecurities? 

I grew up in a traditional Asian, Singaporean culture family where I was told that if I did not do well in school, get a respectable degree, get a respectable job. I was a failure.

Guess how that worked out? I failed horribly in school, and went against my parents wishes 90% of the time. It also affected my confidence in life, and with girls.

I also probably projected some of those insecurities through relationships, but also with my life choices. I chose to measure my success based on 1) how well I did in school 2) how much money I was going to make in the future.

Or Culture?

Cultural and mainstream influences bombard us every day. The movies and the drama serials. They all tell us the same narrative: The people with money get the pussy. In Singapore culture, I think there’s a huge measurement of success based on how well off financially you are.

One huge part mainstream culture, especially an Asian one plays is responsible for this as well. You want to get a girlfriend? Work hard, earn money, get a respectable job, be nice. Our parents are always telling us to be ‘useful to society’, to get a job, to get a degree and all of that. Not only these beliefs and worldviews hurt us life wise, it hurts us when it comes to dating success with girls in general.

You get tons of guys year after year, chasing degrees, cars, the next condominium, all… to get the… vagina.

I can’t deny it, it affects and affected me as well. This part why I chose to be an entrepreneur, and my degree was in finance.

However, how much of this dating issue is a money issue?

I know guys that are well off, but can’t land a date for nuts. I know guys that draw a handsome close 5 figure salary, drive a Mercedez Benz, but can’t get a quality date with Singaporean women to save his life. The misconstrued perception that you need lots of money attract girls is flawed.

If you display the behaviors of someone who potentially might become rich, famous, or successful, you’re equally attractive as someone who is already rich, famous or successful.

How about looks, popularity, intelligence and social status? Do girls in Singapore care about it? I think they do. We all do to a certain extent. However, it’s a problem when you use it as measurement of choosing a long term relationship.

I had a friend from a local University in Singapore, who told me she would on consider dating guys from a local University.

Growing up, I was told by my Asian Mum that if I didn’t get into the local Universities, I would be deemed a failure in life. I guess culture plays a role as well.

This is despite, reading tons of books, researching subjects that I am passionate about, and reading more than most of my friends. I am not only insecure about my paper qualifications, I am also insecure about ‘smart’ am I. I’m sure most Singaporeans guys face the same problems, and it’s a projection of our insecurities.

Guys often are insecure about dating up. They can’t date Singaporean women who is smarter than them, more qualified than them. They can’t date a girl who earns more than them. It’s a common insecurity in Singapore’s culture.

Singaporean Girl

Looks is one of the factors that girls look at, as an indicator of status. This is researched. If you dress poorly and don’t shower, don’t expect to getting laid anytime soon. It’s not girls being superficial, it’s you being a bum. However, look isn’t the ONLY determinant if a girl is willing to go out on a date with you. From, experience wise, it rarely is.

Good looks help, but not having good looks doesn’t hurt either. The number of times you’ve seen not so physically attractive guys, with attractive girls, are countless right?

I think the good looks issue is something that affects not only Singaporean culture but the entire planet. It’s mainstream culture influence that tells us that we need the 6 pac abs to get girls. There were months I felt I was never ready to go out and talk to girls until I achieved a certain body weight. This was despite being in relative alright body shape.

The Mesh Up

Firstly, the research shows that Singaporean girls are materialistic, and Singaporean guys are insecure. With the combination of these two factors, you get an ugly mesh up of Singaporean guys projecting their insecurities about money to girls who are… materialistic? Here, I once wrote a whole article on Singaporean dating culture and it’s flaws. 

These beliefs are often the results of the Singaporean cultural narrative: where success in life is measured by grades, money and status. Stories that have been told by our culture and society, and stories that we continue to tell ourselves.

Until our culture matures, and learn how to define itself not through traditional metrics of success, this is going to be the status quo.

Meeting Girls in Singapore

How to Meet Girls in Singapore? – The Definitive Guide

How to meet girls in Singapore?

The quantity and the quality of girls you meet are dependent on different factors and skillsets that you develop. Conquering approach anxiety will increase the quantity of girls you meet and developing communication skills will help with the efficiency of meeting and attracting girls. This can be as simple as placing yourself in social opportunities and then capitalizing on them.

How to Meet Girls in Singapore

How to Meet Girls in Singapore – Demographics

In the book Models by Mark Manson, the author proposes the idea of demographics.

Demographics are basically the places, groups and interests that you spend your time in. The idea of demographics is that you’ll have a high percentage of meeting someone who has the similar values and who values the same interests or passions as you do. The idea is to pursue your own passions and hobbies and you’re likely going to meet and date girls that are pursuing similar passion and hobbies.

For Eg. If you like music, you’re going to meet girls that are into music as well at a music school and you’ll likely have similar life values such as creativity and expression.

I value education and intelligence in a girl, and going to University automatically puts me in an environment where I’m meeting girls pursuing a degree, who are more likely to be intelligent as well.

Traveling for the past 2 years showed me this as well. When I attend events in foreign countries, I often meet girls who are well traveled, or who value travel as well. They are often also more open minded and willing to explore new experiences. These are traits that are I value, and naturally, I’m going to click better with them.

Do note that you’re going to have to pursue passion and hobbies that have the opposite sex participating as well. More masculine sports such as Mixed Martial Arts, Muay Thai and etc. won’t have as much female participation as compared to others.

For the die hard PUAs: Don’t just hang out with your Singapore pick up artist buddies, go make some other friends.

  • Networking Events

Networking events can be a great way to expand one’s network and meet new people. There are groups specifically for dating and singles on networking platforms such as meet up and Eventbrite.

Be bold in talking to everyone. Just go up and introduce yourself.

Resources (to be added on as I research)

I had great results during my 4 months under a tutelage of a Singapore dating coach due to the like-minded network of friends I had around me.

How to Meet Girls in Singapore – Your Social Sphere

  • University

University is one of the best places to enlarge one’s social circle and get to know more people. It’s also one of the last avenues where you can constantly meet different people by taking part of a wide range of school activities.

How to Meet Girls in Singapore

Your University Sweetheart

University is THE PLACE to be social, meet new girls and it’s one of the last time in one’s life that you’re put in an environment where there’s endless supply of social opportunities. In hindsight, I regreted not taking advantage of my first year in University.

I noticed that many Singaporeans put too much weight on academic success and forget that University is one of the last periods of one’s life where you get to meet a lot of people in one environment. I’m also surprised that many of these students don’t leverage off their University platforms to expand their network, get to know more people and chase more girls.

So, stop being too cool for school.

Joining a co-curricular activity in school is one of the best outlets to expand your social circle. Join a co-curricular activity that you’re genuinely interested. Or take responsibility and take an interest in something.

I’m currently more active in my school social life. For the first time in my life, I’m not too cool for school. That’s a huge improvement from my Junior College days. However, the downsides of school are that the girls I meet are much younger than me. I feel more comfortable with girls who are working or older than me.

  • Colleagues 

There’s an old (Read: Asian?) saying: one should not shit where they’re eating. Basically: you don’t date your colleagues.

I find this limiting. I’ve dated my colleagues. However, the difference is that I handled it responsibly, with accountability and with boundaries.

The girl you’re dating should also be able respect relationship boundaries and is able to communicate openly about work and relationships. As long as both of you are responsible and accountable to your own emotions and feelings and not bring them into the office, dating each other is alright.

So don’t limit yourself.

  • Social Circles

This is our social circles, our secondary friends, our Junior College/Polytechnic groups, our University groups. Social circles are the run of the mill to expand one’s dating opportunities. Social circles can be old friends, colleagues or school friends. It’s important to build a robust social circle based on your personal pursuits and goals in life.

This is a no brainer: Start organising or start joining people for hang out sessions. I know guys who are naturally great a keeping and maintaining different social circles with groups of guys and girls. People hang out with people who value the same things as them. It’s a good opportunity to join interest groups based on your hobbies, passions and interests.

The downside to this is that you might end up losing or breaking up a social circle because you start hitting on a girl within the social circle. From my personal experience, there seems to be a slight boundaries issue in the Singaporean culture.

This causes a lot more friction in the Asian culture than other cultures, and personal experience backs it up.

How to Meet Girls in Singapore – Going Cold

  • Clubs

Clubs are a great strategy to meeting girls in Singapore. Clubs are meet markets and both girls and guys are there to meet someone new. Clubbing with friends that are social connectors and seem to know everyone is a great way to know more people. However, don’t be a value or people leech. Add to the party and vibe, get to know more people, and then introduce these people to each other.

This way, you’re going to be a social connector as well.

  • The Direct Approach

Meeting girls in Singapore can be as simple as approaching them off the streets. Cold approaching comes from the idea from the pick up artist community where you just walk up to a girl on the streets and introduce yourself. It’s the age-old and tested method by hundreds of guys in the pick up community. Mastering the cold approach will open up your dating and sexual opportunities to almost anyone that’s approachable in a public situation.

Basically, the direct approach is the simple idea that you can walk up to a girl, anytime, anywhere and express your romantic/sexual interest in her.

This skillset is probably the hardest to execute and master. You’re going to have to face your fear of rejection, and the fear of what other people think of you. There are also lot of social nuances that has to be accounted for approaching a girl in a Singaporean/Asian setting. No, the creepy police won’t be coming after you, however, it takes extra empathy and conversational skills for this cold approach thing to work.

It’s also commonly lamented that a Singaporean girl is impossible to pick up in a day time setting reasons being that they’re too shy and they’re too conservative. In my experience, it’s doable. However, you’ll need to hone your empathy and conversational skills if you want to get results from approaching girls in the day.


  • Tinder and Online Dating

I don’t really enjoy using Tinder. It’s slow and the prettier girls aren’t really on Tinder. The same principle applies here. Hot girls are always in demand. They are out in clubs, social groups or in shopping malls.

However, assuming that you’re stuck in a deadbeat and need something to get you going. Using Tinder or other dating apps to practice how to text a girl can be a good avenue.

you start attending events that are laser targeting to meet women. This means singles events, dating events, networking events based on your interest.

  • Meet Ups

Singles Events in Meetup.Com

I’ve been to some of these single events. The age group you’re looking at is around slightly older. If you’re 18-25, you’re better off taking part in social events organised in school or your workplace. Nonetheless, these events are a great avenue to meet someone. You’re getting a laser targeted demographic. People who are also looking to meet someone new.

Now, I’m going to sound like an asshole. However, since this is a dating advice for men blog and I know guys getting into this want to date higher quality women, I got to state that you won’t be finding really physically attractive girls hanging about in singles events. This is a harsh reality. Think about it, hot girls are always surrounded by both girls and guys inviting them out to parties and social events. They are in constant demand.

However, if you’re not looking specially for physically attractive girls, then attending these events can be effective.

Closing Thoughts

The direct approach is the strategy I recommend as a Singapore dating coach. It’s also the most effective method. You get to express your interest directly, and you save both you and her time as you’re inviting her to reject you almost immediately.

Ultimately, you also got to curate a lifestyle you are proud of, pursue your passions and become an overall attractive individual.

Singaporean Dating Culture

The Singaporean Dating Culture and It’s Flaws

The Singaporean dating culture is flawed in it’s own special kind of way.

The Singaporean Dating Culture and It’s Flaws

I grew up in the heartlands of Singapore, in a traditional Asian culture family. Through the years of roaming around the streets of Singapore heartlands, drinking in the skylines of Singapore. Singapore weird place. It is a traditionally Asian cultured society that is influenced by Westernized culture and values at the same time. It’s kind of getting sandwiched in between. That often results in a clash of values, and beliefs, when it comes to sex, dating, and relationships.

However, this unique experience has given me some insights into how culture, mainstream narratives has influenced me in how I perceive sex, love, and relationships.

Our Culture Blurs the Lines Between Love, Lust, and Sex

I think most Asian parents would look down upon the fact of you bringing a girl home or you bringing a boy home. For some reason, this is seen as “immoral and unethical”. This, ultimately, is a source of sexual shame. Whereas, the truth of the matter is that it’s not immoral or unethical to have sex with someone else when consciously agreed on with both parties.

It’s no surprise that people that has trouble with this has got extremely strict parents.

One of the traditional Asian cultural beliefs is that you have to have a great connection with a girl before you can have sex with her. This is why girls complain that guys only want sex, and why guys complain why girls are needy. In the end, causes a lot of manipulative and nice guy behaviors where you get the male part buying gifts and spending time, effort and attention in hopes at the end of the day receiving sex.

Sex, love, and relationships should all be seen objectively at the end of the day. It does not mean that you want to fuck her, that you love her. Wanting the fuck someone, and a committed relationship are two separate issues. There’s psychological research that shows that we attraction and love is first lust, followed by passion and then followed by commitment.

Ultimately, sex should be pursued if you’re sexually attracted to her, and a long committed relationship should only be pursued if there’s a long-term compatibility in the relationship and NOT because you want to have sex with her.

The Singaporean Dating Culture Ties Economics to Long Term Relationships

One of the cultural nuances of Singapore is that public housing is only purchasing upon marriage or what we call registration of marriage. This can cause a problem, a blog post by MoneySmart.Sg claimed that one of the top reasons Singaporeans cancel their flat purchase is because they break up before collecting their keys.

Note: I’m not here to make a political statement but merely just writing out my observations.

Our country went from a small fishing island to an economic powerhouse in the matter of half a decade and almost everything in the country was engineered and pushed towards economic means and gains. I have nothing wrong with economics, however, when economics and seen as an end to relationships, that’s where people make decisions they are not ready to make, and shit hits the fan.

I’ve heard a foreigners comment that Singaporeans are more interested and worried about public housing instead of the quality of the relationships when it comes to marriage.

The purchase and availability of public housing should not be a determinant of whether or not you should stay in relationship. That’s merely codependent behaviour.

Singaporeans are Not Emotionally Independent Before Getting into Long Term Relationships

It’s also a cultural norm for Singaporeans to stay with their parents till they are married. This is because rent is expensive in Singapore and it’s not a cultural norm for both male and female to look for their own places when they have moved out.

I’m not against staying with your parents, but forward thinking dating coaches and experts have mentioned the psychological benefits of gain independence from your parents.

People from both sexes move away from their parents at the age of 18-21 in Westernized cultures but in Singapore, you’re allowed to stay with Mum and Dad all the way till 35. It’s often stated that the guys who don’t get this part of their lives handled are often still living with Mum and Dad.

Healthy relationships at the end of the day are two independent individual support each other and not two intertwined codependent people ‘needing’ one another. I know, this sounds too laymen in this blog post but I promise I’ll write a longer article backed with research on this one.

Moving out has huge benefits as I’ve always seen an increase in productivity and drive whenever I’m traveling solo in another country and I’m renting out my own place.

The Traditional Metric of Success Is Not Helpful Anymore

Certain cultural narratives, influences, and beliefs that are instilled in us growing up in Singapore are no longer helpful anymore. There’s no particular party to be blamed here, it’s merely an evolution of economics and culture.

It got me thinking about Singapore’s culture in general. The stresses of the Singaporean lifestyle. The half a million dollars public housing that will probably take 20-30 years to pay off. I wasn’t particularly, of the idea of debt. I didn’t like the idea that you had to be in debt for the next 20-30 years in order to get a public housing in Singapore. Singaporean Dating Culture

It doesn’t make any sense on a philosophical level me.

The money game that’s being played daily, the economic exchanges of them all in Singaporean society. The meaningless pursuit of cash for the sake of survival, for the sake of normality.

Countless reports and cases have stated that Singaporeans are one of the unhappiest people in the world. Our country forefathers have focuses heavily on economic growth for the last 50 years. It’s also researched that Singaporean workers are constantly the highest worked, workers in the world, beating even the industrious South Koreans.

Singapore is also reported to have low fertility rates. Research shows that economic growth in a competitive capitalistic economy is related to this low fertility rate. Because of the metrics of success in a competitive society, especially Singapore’s is a financial success, and people have more disposable income, people are more willing to put off marriages and courtships.

Have we sacrificed the other aspects of life in this mad chase for economics? Have we dug a hole so deep, economically, that we have to constantly pile up on it to keep it going?

I too am not invulnerable to these metrics of successes that society has influenced me. I do measure myself with these ‘metrics of success’. I mean, I did do an accounting degree. However, through writing, reading and sharing these ideas on this blog, it gives me an avenue to generate fulfillment and meaning in life. Perhaps, this entrepreneurial project as a Singapore dating coach can be taken to new heights in the future.

Our Obsession with Saving “Face” and What Other People Think of Us

Over the years, starting out as a Singapore pick up artist, learning about social dynamics, dating, and relationships, pick up, there’s a common trend that I notice that holds almost everyone else back, including myself.

It’s giving too much of fuck about what other people think about them.

For the people learning how to get better with girls, they are often required approach strangers, make new friends, strike a conversation in midday light or in clubs. However, some hesitate for months, for years and for years and years and more. Most people never get to a competent level in their social habits.

It’s too much for them.


That’s because deep down inside, they are over invested about what people think of them, rather than what they think of themselves. I know this for sure. I did that for years. I hesitated for years. This bled through my work, my academics and my dating life. I had tons of excuses.

Think about it. She’s probably not going to remember you if she doesn’t like you. No one around you is going to take notice that you went up to say Hi to her. Even if they did, they’ll secretly think that you have the balls and courage to hit on her.

Then there’re the parents.

Now, I’m not saying that these issues are limited to men, all Singaporeans have their issues as well. One other thing we all give a fuck too much about is what our parents think of us. Hey, guess what. Your parents had sex and you popped out. It’s your fucking life. Stop thinking about what your Mum and Dad wants you.

I’ve dated girls that are always worried about what Mum and Dad thought of her. This is despite what I tell her: “Hey look, I’m dating you, and I’m not dating your parents.”

In Asian societies it’s common to hear the term: you’re not marrying the girl, you’re marrying the family. I disagree. It’s an old traditional belief that shouldn’t hold true for today’s society, it’s also a form of poor boundaries. The way I see it, you and your partner are going to start a life together, and your lives should be independent of what your parents expect of you. Respect them, nonetheless, b

Then there’s society at large.

Asian societies are known lean towards conservative values. We’re known to give up our needs for the ‘greater good’ of society. It’s the idea of collectivism. That’s also known to be selfless and considered a good moral value.

Altruism and selflessness is can always be debated philosophically to many depths. However, from a philosophical perspective, everyone is inherently selfish. Giving up your needs for the greater good is still selfish to a certain extent. You’re deriving some sort of pleasure from such actions.

Throughout majority, sex was a strictly controlled good, and if you dated up social classes, you might find yourself expected or shot. Living in a modern world where you have the knowledge and freedom sexual partners and relationships is a gift, and something to be grateful for. I mean, thankfully, we’ve got better sex education than we did before, condoms, sex prevention measures and all that good stuff.

Lastly, I’m not saying fuck society, and you should go about the world doing just based on what you want or feel. I’m saying, stop defining your relationships from traditional societal metrics, and start basing your metric of success on values.