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How to Know if You Got a Good Coach in Success with Women

How to Know if You got a Good Coach in Success with Women?

‘Good game don’t seem like game, and it’s often monotonous and boring.’ – Todd Valentine
‘Judge someone’s ‘game’ by their average set.’ – Todd Valentine

Those lines are music to my ears.

I’m always wondering if I’m the only guy in pick up artist world that thinks that way. To be honest, I fucking hate social interactions that stand out like a sore thumb. This is especially so in an Asian setting like Singapore. It’s not socially intelligent to stand out TOO MUCH in your social interactions.

I also hate how everyone measures ‘good game’.

Some of them includes: day time instant make outs, instant dates, dating 3 girls a week, sleeping with 10 girls a month and all those superficial metrics.

Come on, be smarter than this.

Some important details to note:

  •  What are the quality of girls you’re dating?
  • How much fucking time are you over investing in this ONE area of your life? What’s your ‘return on investment’?

Your ‘game’, is only as good as the hottest/smartest and ‘whatever metric you want to use’ girl you dated. It doesn’t matter if you slept with 100 girls. Your ‘game’ is still determined by the quality of girls you date. Anybody can play the numbers game. You can go out 6 times a week, approach 100s of girls and eventually hit something.

Starting out, I was a lot less choosy, however, my focus as of today and my next 5 years is on business, academic performance, travel and experiences. These days, when I’m out with friends, I’ve often been criticized by being a lot more selective with my approaches. Yes, a lot of time, those were excuses.

However, the many other times, there’s a rationale behind it. You want to optimize your time and effort for quality. For your highest pay off.

Okay, I’ve watched some ideas float over the internet by ‘authorities’ both locally, and overseas, their thoughts on infield videos, natural game, social circle game, lifestyle mastery and pick up associated ideas.

Here’s what I think:

Psychology, Philosophy, Is it Necessary?

Yes, and NO.

You do NOT need to understand Carl Jung, Sigmund Freud and psychological models to get better at your social skillsets with women. For the first 2-3 years of me practicing this, I only barely scraped the SURFACE of such subjects and I was focused on getting the results: which is dating a hot girl.

However, as I became a lot more interested in human behavior, upbringing, childhood trauma, repression and attachment theory. That was when I dived deeper in psychology as an intellectual pursuit. However, you do NOT need MOST of that when starting out.

I’ve seen videos of dating coaches criticizing brands or ideas that focuses only the technical skillset of social skillsets, instead of paying more attention to the psychological aspect. That’s utter rubbish.

You do NOT need to know in-depth about psychology to get better with women.

However, with that being said, a basic understanding of popular psychology can be helpful, for example, understanding the psychology on how to attract women.

Thoughts on ‘Lifestyle Mastery’

You can have the best social circles, lifestyle and still NOT be good with women. I used to be someone somewhat similar to that, in my earlier teens. I had friends, large social circles, and yet, I didn’t go out on dates.

Whilst it’s important to have a supportive network of friends around you, that don’t fuck you over, talk shit behind your back and etc. You do NOT need to solely focus on ‘lifestyle mastery’ to get good at this.

It also shouldn’t be your primary focus, assuming you have money, some friends and a roof over your head. You should be focusing on the technical aspects.

Thoughts on Infield Footage

Infield footage in the arena of dating advice is mere proof of whether someone is good enough to teach you. To claim to ‘infield videos are a complete lie’ is merely justifying why you can’t produce a good infield video or demonstration.

‘Why should I make an infield video just to proof myself to you.’ – Some coach said.

Well, then why should I take advice from you?

On that note, I think it’s unavoidable, I’ll need get someone to film my average cold interaction in the near future.

Secondly, flashy infield videos do NOT count as good game. Flashy infield videos can include instant make outs, big movements, picking up girls and spinning them and etc. 
One thing I’d like to point out is: if you’re getting a girl’s number 2 minutes into an interaction, she’s probably giving it to you not because she likes you, but because she’s giving it to you just to give it to you.

Solid interactions and solid numbers take up to 10-15 minutes. Remember, great ‘game’ is monotonous, boring, repeatable, sustainable and relatable ESPECIALLY in the Asian context.

Thoughts on ‘Quality Girls’ and Online Dating

‘I went out of X number of girls on Tinder in the last Y number of weeks.’

Well, show me those pictures of the girls. Yes, if you’re bragging, I’m judging. Personally, I’m obsessed with quality. I got into this to date quality girls, I didn’t come into this to sleep with 200 girls, have bragging rights and feel miserable. I also didn’t get into this to sit behind my phone busy being their text buddies or online dating buddies.

You can also argue that the really attractive girls aren’t online.

Hence, quantity isn’t a good metric.

Secondly, online dating does not mean that you have great ‘game’. You’re just using online dating to avoid honing your social skillsets in itself, which is based on real life interactions.

I’m not Rejection Proof and I still Suffer from Approach Anxiety, Just like You

Lastly, I still get rejected a fuck ton, and I still have approach anxiety when I approach. I still screw up with girls on dates, over text and 5 days into the interaction. It’s just the name of the game. I’m just human.

Anyone who tells you otherwise, is lying.

How to Make Time for Relationships for the Career Focused

How to Make Time for Relationships for the Career Focused

I run two companies, am in the midst of pursuing a degree, travel every couple of months, love reading, workout almost daily and most importantly want to still make time for quality relationships. How do I balance everything out?

You often hear: ‘all you need is to hustle’. That’s rubbish. Hustle isn’t the answer. You and I are all cognitive misers and our behaviour is influenced by our environment more than you think. Powering through rarely works, especially when it comes to relationships, something that is out of your control.

If you’re career focused, an entrepreneur like me, that enjoys different aspects of life, how can you make time for relationships? Look, I’m not going to baby seat you and say that things will just fall into place. No surprises here, but you’re going to have to make time and effort to cultivate quality relationships in your life.

When you’re in work or University, all of these are all given to you. You can easily make connections through lectures, social groups, or have drinks with colleagues after work. However, that’s severely limiting. What if you don’t want to be limited by that?

Forget The Line & Strategies: Focus on Quality

One of the philosophy that I advocate on my site is to attract women from a point of honesty and authenticity.

These days, I don’t have time for lines, games and gimmicks. I polarize my interactions really quickly. If she’s not in, then she’s out. Judge people not by what they say, but by what they do. I hold these standards throughout my relationships. If someone and I have different values and value different things, then I’ll drop the relationship, and connect with new people.

I made the mistake in my earlier twenties by forcing relationships. You’re going to gel with someone people and you’re not.

There’s Something More Important

If you’re career focused, that’s a good thing. You already have something more important than your relationships. Yes, I said that you have to allocate time and effort to your romantic relationships, however, there’s no need to sacrifice your values and boundaries for them.

Just recently, a girl who I met a couple of months ago flew into Singapore and wanted to meet me. I wasn’t planning on meeting her anymore because things didn’t go well the last time I met her. She was too shy and too inexperienced. I didn’t want to babysit anyone. It’s just not worth it.

This time, when she was back in Singapore, she initiated the interaction and I thought, hmm, I’ll give it a shit. She’s pretty and I have nothing to lose. However, my patience with her was extremely limited. You’re going to value my time, if not, I’ll drop you. She rescheduled on me twice and had piss poor planning. I dropped her. I don’t care if the reasons are genuine or not.

It wasn’t worth the effort trying to chase someone who didn’t work out with me the last time around and reschedule on me twice.

Secondly, this isn’t University or your school days anymore. You should drop people who aren’t adding any particular value in your life. You should dump those friends that are a drain of energy. If you’re career driven, yet, you’re hanging out with bums after work, then let’s just say you won’t have any time for romantic relationships. You should evaluate all your relationships, and double down on the ones that are adding value to your life.

Thirdly, this relates to my second point. Who do you spend your time with? Do you spend your time with workaholics that only have work going on in your life? Or do you spend time with people who are also interested in meeting new people? Up till today, I keep close in touch with the top performers from the pick up artist community. It’s simple, I pick out the guys that are good, and I form a relationship with them.

Of course, I don’t do that out of a vacuum. I constantly add value to their life, whether be it in business knowledge or as a supportive friend. Here’s what I observed: the majority of people take their relationships for granted. They assume that their relationships are always going to be there, that’s because these relationships are built out of social circumstances: University or work. Hence, they never put in an effort to cultivate a ‘value added’ mindset. It’s about them, them and them.

Whenever I meet someone more successful than me, I’m always thinking, how can I add to their life? I value every single minute that someone spends with me, or I spend with someone.

Even if I have nothing to offer, I can at least make it easy for them to meet me. This includes: not being late and not being an asshole. Two simple concepts that a huge portion of people lacks. The world isn’t’ about you and your problems asshole/bitch. When you meet someone, it’s supposed to be a two-way interaction. Not just you and your stupid problems.

Making a Conscious Effort to Invest in Your Relationships

Hustle isn’t the answer. Whether if you’re a stockbroker, entrepreneur or in sales. Your productivity decreases after a certain time limit. What you spend working on the last 2-3 hours that you attempt to squeeze out isn’t going to be as productive as the deep work you do in the first 2-3 hours.

Overtime work is largely overvalued.

I made this huge mistake when I started my companies. I would sit in Starbucks, only be productive for an hour or two and sulk for the rest of the hours. The time that could have been invested in other areas of my life. Sometimes, I would even be ‘proud’ of that fact that I spent a whole day ‘hustling’.

Rubbish.

Okay, now that you have this ‘all you need to hustle’ pressure off your back. You have free time to invest in your relationships.

Every month, I make sure I turn up for a public networking event. These events can be found on platforms such as Eventbrite. I don’t believe in networking to get clients. I do it to socialize, find potential business partners and as an investment in my relationships.

Every week, I also make it a point to make a 1-and-a-half-hour drive to participate in a football game. When I don’t, I show up to my University club to take part in Muay Thai training. I also keep a close circle of friends that aren’t from work or University who I invite out for chips and beer once a week. When I feel like hitting the clubs on the weekends, I know a bunch of guys that would be up for it. I have an ecosystem that works for me. These avenues allow me to invest in my relationships, build a sense of camaraderie that rubs off my self esteem as a whole.

These things didn’t just magically fell into my hands. I made the conscious effort, social skillsets, allocation time and effort to make these things happen over the last couple of years.

How to Have Real Behavioral Change to Get Results in Your Dating Life

The Behavioural Change Required to Boost Your Dating Life

I used to be one of the biggest failures during my Junior College days. You wouldn’t believe the grades that I got for my Advanced Levels examinations. I was rebellious, audacious and pretended that I didn’t give a fuck about anything. It was a combination of overcompensation of my insecurities and shit-y beliefs growing up.

Fast forward 7 years. I’ve traveled a good portion of the world, dated girls from all over the world, helped two businesses with marketing campaigns, started my own, studied psychology in one of the top Universities in the world, understood how to invest in the financial market and proudly declared that I’m a constant avid learner of life.

You often hear self help gurus say that it’s all about ‘mindset’. They throw phrases like ‘mind over matter’, all it matters is ‘how much you want it’ and all that sort of popular phrases you see on Instagram memes.

100% Bullshit.

It’s not about ‘wanting it bad enough’. It’s not about ‘mind over matter’. Infact, psychological research shows that willpower is finite.

The fastest way to involve behavioral change is to actually change the environment around you.

When I was being a total underperforming asshole during my Junior college days, the people I spent the majority of my time around were rebels. Skipping school and lectures was something to be proud of. In fact, I was more proud of finding loop holes in the system as opposed to getting my grades right. Needless to say, I didn’t do well for my examinations.

So how did I go from a chain smoking rebel who didn’t give a hoot about academics to feeling proud that I Ace-ed my summer program in one of the top Universities in the world?

Well, simply put, it’s environment.

When a huge group of friends stopped hanging out with me when I was in the military, I was forced to build social skillsets and make new friends on the go. When my ex girlfriend broke up with me after I left the country for a week, I was forced to understand female psychology and social skillsets in order to not be a lonely person holding my dick in my hand on Friday nights.

When I was shit poor in my University coursework, I knew I couldn’t compete with the majority base do my academic results, I was forced to pick up entrepreneurial skillsets and read widely outside of school. When my freelance clients undervalued my work and stopped paying on time, that was when I told myself: I am going to stop being a freelancer and start being an entrepreneur.

These changes were made out of necessity. Not jumping about chanting affirmations or hitting a bongo drum.

How to Structure Behavioral Change?

You are a product of your environment, whether you like it or not. Psychological research shows that habit change occurs you change your environment and not the habit itself.

I got introduced to the idea of top performers. For most part of my life, I dived straight into my pursuits. I was fearless. I would get good at something for 3 months, lose interest in it, and stopped doing it. There was a lack of consistency in my life.

I realized that top performers in the world plan their schedule and pursuits way ahead of time. The friends I had from Junior college always seemed to have something going on for them next. They never seemed to fall behind in life. I was on the other hand, changing my career plans every two weeks. I was making short run decisions because I wasn’t planning ahead of time. That cost me years and years of indecision.

You should already be planning to hit the clubs twice a week. You already be allocating time for your social events to practice your social skills. It’s not something that you plan for from day to day. It’s only through preparation, then you’ll have the cushion to ‘live in the moment’.

So how can you become a top performer in your dating life?

It’s simple, it’s accomplished by changing your environment.

For years straight, I hung around with friends who made last minute plans, cancelled on me last minute and showed up late constantly.

It was only when I mapped out the qualities of people that I wanted to surround myself with, the behaviors that I’ll accept and not accept in my life that I got myself out of this karmic loop of feeling undervalued and frustrated in my social life.

Furthermore, when you create the right environment for your desired goals, your desired behaviors follow automatically.

Whenever I go to the club these day, I’m normally with a friend who is able to approach strangers effortlessly. He and I are not going to waste any time staring into the dance floor or wait around like 98% of the other guys. You’ll find both of us talking to strangers and girls within a couple of minutes in the club. That’s because both of us have the ability and the skillset to strike up a conversation with a stranger and when either of us see each other performing the desired behavior, the other will follow.

It’s a system that I created in my life.

You and I don’t like to think that external factors have a bigger than usual influence in our life, however, it does.

  • The Milgram Experiment showed that situation, not personality, could cause random people to give terminal shocks to helpless participants.
  • There’s a study that shows that a person in a hurry is less likely to help people, even if he is going to speak on a seminar related to the Good Samaritan. Some of them stepped over the victim on their way to the next building! It shows that thinking about norms does not imply that one will act on them.
  • There is research to show that our dieting choices are influenced by the packaging, portion size or the waiter when we’re eating out.

How does this play out in your dating life?

If you’re constantly upset by someone or something in your external environment, then it may be good to remove that particular influence in your life. If you got friends constantly putting you down, making you feel shit-y about yourself, then you may want to cut them out. Sometimes, this can even your parents or childhood friends.

Billionaire Warren Buffet was quoted saying: it’s better to hang out with people better than you. If you pick out associates whose behavior is better than yours, you’ll drift in that direction.

Changing your friends when you’re in your twenties it’s hard. It’s something I personally struggle with. It means saying no to a lot of people. It also means feeling lonely with these ideas for a period of time.

However, if it’s something you are aware of right from the start by mapping out the qualities and values of the people you wish to be around with, you’ll pick the right people and create the environment you wish for yourself.

Rant on Pick Up Weirdos

A Rant on Pick Up ‘Weirdos’

I have a love hate relationship with the pick up artist community.

On one hand, I don’t really hang out with most of the members in it. I also don’t identify myself as a pick up artist. However, every now and then, there’s a rare one or two guys that catches my eye that I’m willing to hit the clubs and make a long term connection with.

Recently, I started hanging out with this one guy, who takes the classic pick up artist approach towards dating. I admired his work ethic. He’s also a technician when it comes to mastering the social arts. Whilst I’ve moved past my technical days and rely on habits I instilled throughout my earlier twenties, I saw the advantage of being someone around taking a technical approach towards dating.

Since, I’m my worst own enemies these days. I like being around someone who’s pushing themselves, it reminds me to keep myself in check.

Unfortunately, I’m sad to report that I’m mostly unsuccessful in persuading the majority of the members in the PUA community to see my point of view. Hence, there’s always a incompatibility of values when it comes to forming a genuine relationship with these guys. Don’t get me wrong, I am open to new friendships. I’ve traveled half the world by myself, I do enjoy making new connections.

The Un-Informed: Self Esteem Issues  

You get an interesting mix of character around the community. You get the first timers who are interested in the idea of getting their dating lives handled through the notion of ‘game’. You also get the seasoned pick up artist who has gone out on many nights and and his bread and butter involves PUA techniques.

Look, I started off by reading and using pick up theory as well. I understand the ideas of disqualification, negging, qualification and etc. I get it. I’ve been there.

However, at the end of the day, you’re merely putting on another identity. You’re perceiving social interactions as something to be manipulated and something that to be controlled.

These strategies may work in the short run, especially on girls who allow themselves to be manipulated. They often have poor boundaries and self esteem and find themselves chasing after someone who treats them with manipulative behavior. This often ends up in a chaser, chasee relationship, which is filled with drama.

You’re also merely enforcing the ideas that friendship, relationship with girls, sex is something you have to ‘game’ or ‘earn’ yourself into. That you aren’t fundamentally enough as a person to have sex with her or  for her to be with you. Like someone? Disqualify yourself. Someone disagrees with you? Simply punish him or her with negative behaviour.

You’re still putting pussy on a pedestal. The fact that you need to disqualify and neg her merely shows that you’re insecure of your own value as a person. Whilst these might work in the short run, by stirring up insecurities in your relationships, you’re just constantly reminding yourself that: you suck, and you aren’t enough. You’ll also never feel secure, trusted and safe in a relationship.

It’s rare that I find someone who put’s in the hard work and introspection to get his inner emotional realities right.

This means: learn how to express himself honestly, with fucking integrity. Someone who has other facets of his life going for him as well. This includes dressing well, hitting the gym, having passions and hobbies other than worrying about the next ‘neg’ or line.

Safety and Security

I wrote in a recent post that you’re never going to really improve your life circumstances if you don’t have safe relationships in your life you can rely upon.

When you mix a bunch of pick up artists (who suck at relationships) who sees you as an object, a ‘wing’ to go out with and not a real fucking human being, you’re highly likely going to end up in toxic and unsafe friendships.

I can’t count the number of stupid stories I’ve heard from the guys in the community. It can go from idiots running their mouth in group chats to one guy stealing another guy’s girl. Weren’t these people supposed to have an ‘abundant’ mindset?

You’re never going to understand genuine friendship and authentic relationship. Ironically, something that you probably got into the community to seek out in the first place.

The Detox Process

Okay, assuming you’re convinced and want a detox from all that toxic shit the PUA community entails, here are some basic steps you can take to detoxify yourself from all mess from the pick up community.

Hopefully, by now, you’ll get why intentionally pushing, pulling, qualifying and disqualifying as a strategy will leave you feel empty and numbed at the end of the day.

The 3 Mindsets That Should Go Out of the Fucking Window 

Okay, I’m also going to address some specific threads I see popping out ‘on the ground’.

  • ‘I’m Going to Game Her’

Where are you coming from when you want to get good with women? Are you coming from a place of inferiority or a place or security?

The fact that you need to ‘demonstrate higher value’ or ‘neg her’ just means you see your as someone who is inferior to her. Someone with true confidence doesn’t need to go about demonstrating higher value or actively look for derogatory insults to bring her ‘value’ down.

The largest difference I see between my philosophy towards getting good with girls and the majority of the pick up artist community is the position where he coming from. I come from a position of security, and the rest of the guys come from a position of insecurity. Remember, the fact that you need techniques and lines, subtley demonstrates that you’re inferior. The fact that you need to demonstrate yourself as someone superior, subtley demonstrates you’re inferior.

Your actions and intentions will bleed through. Trust me on that.

  • ‘You Need to Isolate Her’

I always hear pick up guys saying: ‘You got to isolate and distract their friends whilst being in the nightclub.’

I don’t agree with this. Firstly, on a technical level, your intentions will bleed through and the girls your approach may get defensive. Secondly, if you’re in Asian culture, she’s going to get worried about her friends (and her friends are going get worried about her) when she gets separated from her.

So both ways, you’re fucked. Stop looking at socializing as something you’re waging war against.

  • ‘You Can’t Go Direct. Direct Game only Works if You’re Tall and Good Looking.’

That’s utter rubbish. You can express yourself honesty and authentically regardless of looks or height. In fact, you might even come off as more polarizing if you’re not exactly that good looking or tall, and you’re willing to be completely authentic and honest with her.

I also get some feedback that I’m considered ‘good looking’, hence it might be my good looks that helps me with my ‘game’.

Just to give you some insight, my first year in ‘game’ was spent dolling myself up with nice looking clothes, hitting the gym, and ‘looking good’. I still didn’t get laid.

In fact, I’d argue that good looks may even work against you. Girls may call you out for being a player and she’s going to project all sort of stereotypes onto you.

  • Not Happy with Someone? ‘Punish’ Him or Her by Withdrawing Attention

If you’re unhappy with someone, you should express yourself and openly confront about it with him or her. You shouldn’t ‘punish’ bad behaviour through passive aggressive means. If you aren’t able to draw clear boundaries in your relationships and you need ‘game’ to get your point across, it’s ultimately needy behavior.

Your’re Digging Your Own Grave

When I’m out, I want to be social, and I want to have fun. I can’t do it when I’m feeling on the edge with you pick up weirdos. I’m also not interested in guessing your intentions, hiding behind smoke and games with you.

Hence, I refuse to hang out with people who are constantly treating social interactions and relationships as a game. I don’t care how good your ‘game’ is. I refuse to be some fucking object that you think you can push or pull about. Firstly, I see through it. Secondly, go use that shit on some random club girl who lacks the self esteem.

Just so you know, I also refuse to serve clients or coaching students who believe in these ideologies.

I can’t stress this enough, but you’re going to end up like the person you hang around with the most. His or her beliefs and worldviews are going to have a huge influence on you. This is heavily researched in psychology as well.

So, do you want to constantly be around some pick up artist fraud who not only sees women as objects, but also sees all of his relationships (including you) as something that can be ‘gamed’? Or do you want to be around with friends who appreciates and respects you as a fucking human being. For all your strengths, flaws and weaknesses.

I know there are idiots who prefer the former, cause deep down, that’s their worldview of relationships. They don’t relationships as something that can be safe and supportive. They see relationships as something to be earned, bargained or traded. They may believe deep down they deserve to be disrespected or unvalued as a person, and only then, they’ll be accepted or loved.

You dig your own grave. Your fucking choice.

How to Get a Girl Home

How to Take a Girl Home with Her Being Comfortable with It

The prior step to hooking up is to get a girl home. In pick up artist terminology, it’s commonly known as the pull. So, how do you actually get a girl back to your place? Is there a step by step route map?

How to Take a Girl Home? – The Guide

This guide is to be used in conjunction with the first date guide, and how to hook up in Singapore guide. The first date guide helps you plan the outline of the date, how to move her closer to your place, the second guide emphasises on cultural nuances in Asia.

Decide, Commit and Lead

One of the most important aspects of how to get a girl home is A DECISION. It comes from the underlying social dynamic: if you don’t decide, commit and lead, she’ll end up looking being the one that has to lead, and she’s a slut for doing so.

You got to lead, lead and lead.

You got to decide that you want to get her to your place. Then commit to the following actions, and just execute on them.

Baby Step It 

I remembered once it took me around 12 tries to get a girl up to my house, and into my room. I was starting out as a young Singapore pick up artist. I didn’t know better.

If you just met a girl, she’s going to resist your advances. You have to baby step it. This might be baby stepping it from the club to the taxi stand. This might be baby stepping her the move from the bar, to get her bag, and then follow you to the taxi stand, into the cab, chilling by the side at your swimming pool and up to your house.

Not making Her Feel like a Slut

Good game ALWAYS is about not making her feel like a slut for wanting to sleep with you.

This is especially so in Singapore, where it’s still a highly traditionalized society. If you want to increase your dating results, date multiple girls, you got to really fly under the radar, and make her feel really comfortable for sleeping with you before a committed relationship.

These assumptions should be adopted as genuine mind sets in your own life. For fucks sake, if all you really want to do is get into her pants, then don’t get into a relationship just for that.

  • You do not exactly want a girlfriend and will not want one only if she’s the right girl
  • She is amazing
  • You are really attracted to her
  • You do not like one night stands and do not like to sleep around, but you like spending time with her

Yes, I know a bunch of guys would get into a relationship, fuck her, and then leave. It’s up to your own values at this point of time. That’s against my values. I’d rather lose a girl, then to lie to myself (and her) just to get into her pants.

Some helpful mindsets you can adopt to not make her feel like a slut and relieve her of the pressure is:

  • That she is the sexual aggressor/sexual predator, and she’s hitting on you
  • That she is trying to get you to like her or trying to win you over (whether it be in the sense of attraction, acceptance, or validation).
  • That both of you are going to sleep together, but only if she lives up to your standards and expectations.

Find an Excuse

I remembered once, I took honesty to a new level. I told some Malaysian girl I was dating: I think you’re hot, I want to have sex with you. I was trying out a radical honest approach back then. Despite saying it with the best of intentions, she took a cab back home almost immediately.

Good story though.

The key to getting her back to your place is to find a mere excuse to hang out with her at yours. I told the girl I dated in Japan: let’s grab a beer, I want to get a can, we can drink at mine. She agreed, and she didn’t even touch the beer. I actually thought she was AT least going to have a one can. Calories I guess.

Make Your Room Fun

In Singapore, I got my guitar and my boxing gloves. I used to playfully box girls to show that I’m cool with them in my room. I also purposely do it so that they’ll feel comfortable that I’m not inviting them to my room just to hook up or to have sex.

When I’m travelling, music helps a lot. Just simply take out your phone or your computer, and start playing some tunes.

Keep It Lighthearted and Fun

Keeping it lighted and fun is probably the most important aspect of how to get a girl home. Unless you’re already groping each other and she can’t wait to get into YOUR pants, she’s probably going to feel a little shy and nervous when she’s at your place.

For the Singaporean guys (99% of them who live with their parents) there’s the issue of your parents, your cat, your dog, your grand mother. I know, I’ve been there. She’s going to be put under the spotlight.

I always try to make sure that my parents are asleep before I get back to mine. Remember, the key is to always think of how to NOT let her feel like a ‘slut’.

Dealing with “Last Minute Resistance”

Some times, you get the oddball who is willing to go to yours but isn’t willing to sleep with you. I’ve had that happen to me 3-4 times. Some times, I get bugged out (I mean, why the fuck right?) some times, I just surrender to the fact that this Universe is weird.

The first step is to ALWAYS empathize with her. This means asking her if she’s comfortable with this. If she isn’t, ask her why? If it’s the boyfriend issue, then say: I’m not looking for a long term commitment now. I rather date you openly, than to lie to you that I want a relationship just to get into your pants.

Do it genuinely.

Either that, just chill back, and accept the fact that you aren’t going to get laid tonight. These days, if. the girl isn’t into me, I actually do get turned off. I just chill back, use my computer, do some work, write another article, or play my guitar.

Usually, you’ll have her over at 2-3am in the night. There won’t be any public transport home. I used to let girls stay over. However, these days, I value my sleep and rest time, and I’ll politely ask them to leave. It’s also a personal boundary of mine: if you aren’t interested, you should leave.

The “It Just Happened” Excuse

If you sleep with a girl, you get the Hi-5 from ‘society’ and your friends. If a girl sleeps with you, she gets slammed on and slut shamed by society and possibly her friends.

For it to happen, you got to understand this social nuance. It’s really important for it to make it seem that it ‘just happened’ between you and the girl. There was a period of time I was quite bummed out by the idea of this. It means that she doesn’t have to ‘responsible’ for her actions.

Closing Thoughts

There’s no one logical route to making all of these happen. Some times there’s a lot of resistance, some times, there’s not a lot of resistance. The more liberal minded girls are able to make their own decisions in spite of society and their friend’s opinions. Those are the girl that I get along well with, and end up being with at the end of the day.

However, there’s a huge demographic of girls (especially traditional Singaporean girls) who are brought up in a traditional setting. They also have traditional beliefs about love and sex. You can’t change their

You can’t change someone’s values overnight. You might be able to influence them, but you definitely can’t change them. If you can’t her get home, it’s not that you suck, it’s just matter of incompatibility.

The only way to deal with it is through empathy, and a willingness to walk away.

Which is what a confident individual would do anyway.

Singapore Online Dating

How to Create a Tinder Profile That’ll Get You Dates

 

I’ve never really paid much attention to online dating as I don’t really have the patience to craft out witty texts to a girl’s attention.

I have a theory. The hot girls already have all the attention in their day to day social lives and what makes you think you can stand out through a profile photo?

Furthermore, why would they bother with some stranger on Tinder when they’ve already got all the validation/ attention and potential partners in real life? This is especially so if you’re younger and your target demographic of girls is younger.

If you don’t believe me, take a look at the ‘influencers’ Instagram profiles. You just got to flaunt some ass and legs, take some nice photos and it’s enough to build surmountable following on social media

Nonetheless, I decided to test out some concepts to maximize my results in online dating. I’m not positive though. I’m currently targeting the demographic of girls from 18-25. They either are in University or have just entered the workforce. It’s worth a try, and I decided to do some research on this subject.

Note, I’m writing this to target physically attractive girls. Some of them might be quite provocative, but that’s the point. It’s done to separate you from the thousands of guys that swipe right on her profile.

The Photos

Tinder allows you 6 photos. It’s recommended to maximize all of them.

The key to photos to get someone else to take them for you. Forget selfies. That’s because it demonstrates that you have friends and other people around you. One good camera angle is the snapshot effect. These are photos taken ‘in the moment’ as if you’re not even planning to take that shot. The snapshot effect sets you apart from all the other guys.

Online Dating Singapore

One good example of Asian guys is the snapshot in the middle.

It’s recommended that you include group photos, your lifestyle and hobbies in your other photos.

Note, this profile should be congruent to your lifestyle and hobbies and shouldn’t be used just to maximize results on Tinder.

The Profile

I used to think that you got to write an essay for your Tinder/Online dating profile. The truth is that the more you write, the more try hard it looks like. Go with something simple, in short sentences that describe your passions, lifestyle and hobbies.

My current profile looks like this:

Singaporean, fought in a ring once. Entrepreneurship, travel, fitness. Pancakes.

It’s short, simple and sweet. The profile displays one interesting fact about myself, alongside with my hobbies and my interests. The word ‘pancakes’, is something fun and interesting to take off all the pressure from all the ‘serious talk’. You can replace word this with something funny on your own, like sushi or something.

The Provocation Line

You should also add in one provocation line:

  • Please don’t be fat in real life 😀
  • Sometimes, I super like all the ugly girls 😀
  • Natural born asshole 😀

The key here is to set apart from all the nice guys (which is 95% of the men) profile. It’s also used to provoke a reaction from a girl into swiping you and being interested in you. I added in my own smiley face to tone the ‘assholeness’ down because I’m writing this guide for the Singaporean audience, and as much as you want to come across as the asshole rock star that gets all the girls, in Singapore culture, it’s not going to work.

It’s better to be the goof-ish, childish, slightly retarded and tone it back a little.

ClickBait to Social Media

Online Dating Singapore

Not the right kind of click bait, apparently.

Tinder allows you to merge your Instagram profile on your Tinder profile, however, how many girls actually do click on your Instagram profile? Not a lot. The click bait to social media gets get clicking on your Instagram profile and instantly, you got a huge load of social proof or ‘display of value’.

I added this one line to my Tinder profile:

Stalk me on Instagram (@TheMarcusNeo) but don’t freak out when you see it.

There’s nothing actually freakish about my Instagram profile. However, it’s just to get her clicking to your profile. Note that this only works IF you take the time and effort into curating a lifestyle and an interesting Instagram profile.

Being Selective 

It’s said that the Tinder algorithm is sensitive to your selectivity of swiping. Your profile is going to show up more often to hotter girls (who are extremely selective) if you’re selective as well.

So, don’t just spam the swipes. Just like in real life, it’s best to focus on quality, rather than quantity. Furthermore, it’s quite demoralizing to only get matches from girls you aren’t really interested in.

The Reality of Hot/Pretty/In Demand Girls

You might think that these techniques to online dating is the next cure for cancer. However, you’re going to be sorely disappointed if you’re aiming for the top 20% of girls in terms of aesthetics wise. You’re not going to get much results.

Unless you’re a model, with 6 pacs or a really overall nice physique, the majority of the guys I observed using online dating as an avenue get results only with physically mediocre girls.

This isn’t surprising either. The young, attractive 18-29-year-old lady is going to get overflowing attention from her social media, her Instagram, from her social circle, from her colleagues and etc just because of one fucking reason: her looks. She’s not going to pay much attention from some random dude sending her messages from her Tinder profile.

Personal Experience

I’ve gone out a couple of times with girls from Tinder in Singapore. The results are mostly mediocre. I often get more matches abroad in foreign countries as compared to Singapore. However, I’m also aware that I’m quite selective of swiping the girls on Tinder.

There was once I met a girl who was much more plump in real life than in her photos. In her photos, she looks really slim. She told me she was an ex-air stewardess and she put on weight recently. How convenient was it for her to use her slim photos!

The only girl I hooked up with ever on Tinder was a law student. She was Indian. She wasn’t exactly the hottest girl around. I didn’t really go for her because of her looks, I went for her because she was able to intellectually connect and converse with me.

Closing Thoughts

When I started off as a pick up artist, I focused on meeting women through social circles and approaching them in clubs. I much preferred this approach because I was just too lazy to be texting and swiping all day.

Tinder or other online dating apps should not be a replacement for meeting women by improving your social skills to connect better with others. Furthermore, why should you waste time effort and money going out with girls that you’re not that into?

There’s a limitation to words and a 3 sentenced Tinder profile. You can’t see, touch or feel emotions when you’re staring into a 4 by 10 centimetres screen.

 

How to Keep a Conversation Going with a Girl

How to Keep a Conversation Going with a Girl – a Guide

One of the most commonly asked questions in dating advice for men is how to keep a conversation going with a girl? How to never run out of words?

In social interactions, the male is going to have to take the lead, to start, to continue and to lead in the conversation. Understanding how to create conversational topics out of midair is going to help a lot in converting your leads from cold approaches, social circles and girls that you just got to know girls that are interested in your sexually.

How to Keep a Conversation Going with a Girl?

Before you learn how to keep a conversation going with a girl, you got to understand how to keep a conversation going with just about anybody. This can be done by paying attention to simple conversational mindsets such as using effective language, using more statements as opposed to questions, creating endless conversation threads by paying attention to words and themes and understanding how to emotionally connect with someone.

This can be done by paying attention to simple conversational mindsets such as using effective language, using more statements as opposed to questions, creating endless conversation threads by paying attention to words and themes and understanding how to emotionally connect with someone.

How to keep a Conversation Going with a Girl

Using Effective Language 

Using effective language means using the shortest number of words possible to in conversation to get your point across. You would rather have 5 minutes of awesome conversation as opposed to 15 minutes of beating around the bush. You will come off as more well spoken and charismatic.

This means removing ‘ahh’ ‘you know’ and ‘erhms’ and other filters when you’re conversing.

This doesn’t mean you speak like a robot either. You can use different tonality and pace to get more emotion across in your conversations. Writing and keeping a journal can help with this skillset.

Questions Versus Statements

Statements offer more ‘value’ and opportunity for her to get continue to a conversation than questions. When you’re just going off on questions with a girl, you don’t express your identity, and you don’t really put her in a position to express hers. She’s got to invest in the conversation for the interaction to go well.

Cold reading is a skillset that you can use to make statements. Other simple ones include making observations about the environment or something that catches your eye. It’s possible to turn every question into a statement. Instead of asking what she does for a job, why not tell her that she looks like she works in a creative line/ looks like a teacher and etc.

If you get it wrong, she’ll correct you. If you get it right, she’ll be quite surprised at how intuitive you are. This works brilliantly time after time.

Instead of worrying what to ask her next, you can just go off randomly on your day or events that interest you. ‘I almost got hit by a car this morning’. ‘I hate my boss, he just made me do two times the work today’. It’s better to be random and interesting than to be predictable. However, don’t be too random, this won’t work in the Asian/ Singaporean setting.

Statements done right can lead to her asking you more about yourself. You can now dictate the interaction, and when she’s the one asking your questions, she’s the one sub-communicating that she’s interested in finding out more about you.

I’d like to add that questions are alright in the Singaporean setting, most girls here aren’t really equipped with the social skills to lead the interaction, you’ll be required to do a little bit of babysitting.

How to Never Run out of Words

How to Never Run out of Words

The secret to creating endless conversational topics is to take note of jump off points. Think of them as intersections that you can use to direct the flow of a conversation.

Conversations only end one person says something to another person and he or she is left with no jump off points. This is the usual One Word answers: Yes or No.

One thing that helps this is to pay attention to the underlying themes in a conversation. For example:

“I never liked that restaurant. I went there for my birthday last year, and I don’t remember anything past midnight. I woke up on my friend’s kitchen floor.”

  1. You can talk about your favourite restaurants
  2. You can talk about birthdays
  3. You can talk about the one time you got drunk and woke up somewhere weird

These are themes in a conversation that you can take advantage off. I find it easier to pay attention to themes rather than words itself. There are conversational resources out there that tell you to pay attention to phrases and words. However, just paying attention to phrases and words can come off as unnatural. You’re better off attention to theses and relating to her in such a way.

I find that by just paying attention to phrases and words, it may result in an unnatural conversation. It’ll seem as if you’re trying to keep this conversation going and you’re afraid of silences. You’re better off paying attention to themes.

The Basics of Emotional Connection

Most guys suck at talking about themselves. This especially so in Singapore. I noticed this as a Singapore dating coach. They think it’s weird or narcissistic in some ways. The only times they usually feel comfortable talking about themselves is with their sisters or friends they’ve known for a few years.

Girls, on the other hand, are only engaged when they are talking about themselves (or each other). This is why they’re constantly gossiping, creating drama or people watching.

I know this for sure as I’ve hung out with guys from the Singapore pick up artist community. It’s always the same question of: what do I talk to about with the girl? What he’s saying that he doesn’t really have any external common interest with her. If she likes dancing and he’s a computer geek then there’s nothing to talk about right?

However, if you talk about how you FEEL about your interests, then you can relate to how she FEELS about her own pursuits. It’s never the external pursuits, it’s the similar underlying expression why you choose to pursue something that you can relate to her with.

It’s never about the external pursuits, but it’s about the similar underlying expression of why you choose to pursue your chosen hobbies that you can relate to her with.

Building an emotional connection requires three things: 1) Opening up about yourself 2) Getting her to open up about herself and relating to each other’s emotions and experience.

This includes:

  1. Your passions and favourite things to do
  2. Your dreams, ambitions, life goals
  3. Best/worst thing that has happened to you
  4. Your childhood, family life and upbringing

You can spark these conversations by a simple cold read: You look like you’re close to your family.

Emotional connection occurs only through vulnerability. It cannot be faked.

The harder it is to talk about it a subject, the more genuine and attractive it potentially can be. Topics such as childhood, upbringing and family life are often hard for a man to express, especially so in Asian culture. I rarely see guys talk about their childhood in their social interactions, if even at all.

Think about it, by being alright with sharing any part of yourself with anyone, you’re truly confident.

Closing Thoughts

I’ll like to add in that you’re not required to share yourself with everyone all the time. There was a period of time I was focusing too much on emotional connection. I was projecting my need for connection to everyone I meet.

I got good at it and I was wondering why I was shit bored at most of the conversations I was having. It’s important to note that not everyone studies self-help and I find Singaporeans, in general, take some time to open themselves up emotionally.

Combine this framework with skill sets such as cold reading, making statements over questions, storytelling, using effective language, and you’ll find yourself in being able to direct and control the flow of conversations.

Remember, expressing who you allows her to open up express who she is.

Seduction is an expression of identity.

You’re looking at her physical qualities and she’s looking at your identity.

How to Pick Up Girls on the Dancefloor

How to Pick up Girls on The Dancefloor – a Definitive Guide

I never understood how to pick up girls on the dancefloor. Even when my early days as a Singapore pick up artist, I never really understood how someone can just go up, grind up a girl, and take her home. In my personal experience, you got to do more than that. Unless the girl you grind is really down, it often doesn’t go down for me.

Nonethless, the dancefloor in the club can be considered the meet markets of the club. Think about it, the tables are for huge social groups. The bar is for people to get drinks. The dancefloor is actually the place where girls and guys go to meet each other. It’s rare to find a guy approaching outside the dancefloor. Even if so, if he’s to approach in the dancefloor, it’s normally through body language, and less words.

How to Pick Up Girls on the Dancefloor 02

 

How to Pick up Girls on The Dancefloor

  • First Rule is To Have Fun

Having a ton of fun and putting on a smile on your face is the first step to attracting more attention on the dancefloor.

Approaching a girl on on the dancefloor is either through body language or just going up to say Hi. There’re no other forms of communications that I’m aware of.

Less Words more Dancing

The dance floor is a messy place, with guys, girls, music and all of that jumping. It’s close to impossible to have a verbal interaction on the dance floor. The dance floor is where you have to approach strong and make your prescene known.

You’re going to have problems in talking in long sentences. Short sentences like saying Hi, and asking her for her name is alright. The key is to get physical as fast as possible. Either with shoulder hugs, dancing beside her, or grinding behind her.

Lead Like Your Life Depends on It

Don’t ask for permission to move. Just grab her by the hand and go to the dance floor. The majority of pick up is just grabbing life by the balls and just doing it. It’s assumed attraction.

Speaking with Your Body: Physical Escalation

Unless she’s really into you, it’s not a good strategy to just go up behind her and grinding her.

Even if so, there so many objections: her friends, she doesn’t know you, she doesn’t even know your name. Approaching with body language and grinding is alright, that’s how most of the people in the clubs do it, but it’s important to have a minimal conversation as well.

It’s better to dance beside with light shoulder touches be a way to flirt on the dance floor, and then move on from there. If they are comfortable with that, then move behind them. If they’re comfortable with you being behind them, then make a move by holding her waist.

Once you’ve ‘opened’ using body language or verbally, it’s time to escalate and lead. Firstly, dance by her side. Then escalate by putting your hands on her shoulder or her waist. Then proceed, to dance behind her. Then turn her around with her facing you. Then the make-out.

The rule of thumb is similar to all other interactions: always be leading.

Learning how to pick up girls on the dance floor is a subtlety. Sometimes you approach verbally and say Hi, before dancing. Other times, you approach physically (dancing) and say Hi.

Touching Her Fast

Think about it. The guys that don’t know about ‘game’ is still getting results in the clubs in spite of having ‘no game’. They don’t think about fanciful openers, role plays, or intricate push/pull techniques.

They merely rely on their gut and go for it.

Our social brains are evolved to pick up signals from the opposite sex. It’s just that because of past negative experiences, traumas or conditioning, we then convince ourselves with our own stories that somehow we’re not good enough, not attractive enough and that “she’s probably not interested in me”.

I used to think that there’s an ‘escalation’ ladder when it comes to touching girls. There is a general, socially acceptable framework for it. However, there are many times that you end up kissing a girl without even holding her hands or hugging her even.

Emotions occur in the moment.

Stop Putting Hot Girls in the Club on a Pedestal

One other big insights I had from picking up girls on the dancefloor is that most of us put hot girls on the pedestal. This is especially so in the club where a vagina is somewhat the most valued currency, second to the guys splashing their cash on tables and drinks to impress the girls.

Combine this with just about every other mainstream advertising campaign that’s where you get pussy being put on the pedestal.

This is where techniques and lines has it’s limits. It’s our own self worth, our own beliefs of our attractability, and out own beliefs about people, girls and ourselves that hold us back.

Some times I think to myself: I put in so much work in myself. I go to school, I try hitting the gym, I write for this blog, I launch this business as a Singapore dating coach. I make the effort to read outside of school and I’m still so invested in that hot girl in the club thinks of me.

It just doesn’t add up.

 

How to Handle her Friends?

There are going to be instances where you’ll get rejected. Her friends will pull her away and give you a creep stare. It happens a lot, especially in Singapore clubs. You can’t control other people’s behaviour. You can only control your own behaviour.

The rule of thumb is to make friends with her friends. Be friendly, yet assertive. This takes a little intuition. Look at her body language, is she worried about what her friends think? Is she looking for approval from her friends. If so, you should then adjust and befriend her friends.

On other occasions, I think it’s alright to just go for it. If she’s alright with it, her friends will be alright with it.

Closing Thoughts

Like all other areas of getting good with girls. You’re not going to do well on the dancefloor if you don’t have your basics such as body language and your fashion sense down. I would say intentions are also a big part of picking up girls on the dancefloor. Some times, I see guys approaching girls like mechanically like machines, most of the time it just doesn’t turn out well.

Remember, the first rule is to have fun.

What to do on a first date with a girl 03

The Perfect First Date – a How To Guide

What to do on a first date with a girl? What’s the fastest way you can seduce a girl?

Personally, if I’m not getting anywhere with the girl from the first to third date, it’s highly likely that nothing’s going to happen. That’s just been my personal experience and track record. Couples often get together really fast, in my personal experience, cause if a girl’s attracted to you, and you don’t act upon it, she’s going lose that attraction.

What to Do on a First Date with a Girl?

What to Do on a First Date with a Girl?

You want your dates to be efficient. Not all dates are going to lead to sex. You’re not going to enjoy every single date, and not every girl is going to be into you.  Be air tight about your time. If you don’t like her or she’s not showing any interest in you, feel free to walk off and end the date right there and then. Be a man of boundaries and strong personal values.

It’s also recommended not to do lunch dates, save dates for the night time to generate more expectation. Oh yeah, a date out with her friends is not a date.

The general idea of what to do on a first date with a girl is to make her feel comfortable, alway be leading and be unapologetically trying to seduce her.

Getting her To Invest Time, Money and Effort

One of the best concepts I learned from my a mentor, a Singapore dating coach, is getting her to invest time, money and effort.

This can be as simple as meeting her midway instead of driving to pick her up. Or as simple as going dutch on the first date. I know, it’s not really gentlemanly of you not to pay, for me, I personally make it a game, I’ll pay first, and then I’ll get her to buy me drinks or something else later.

Psychological research shows that people value things more when they get they invest personal time, money and effort.

Wait… So Who Pays on the First Date?

It’s said that there’s an intrinsic sense of chivalry that women enjoy that makes them feel feminine and sexy when you pay for them. The primary attractor in women is status and security. Taking care of them and paying for them can lend itself to that.

I’ve been on many dates with girls who are earning much higher income than me. In Singapore, the guys often go out to the working world later as they’ve got 2 years of national service in the military. The girls often are working much earlier than the guys. In mu experience, the girls I’ve been on dates with don’t mind going dutch.

Here’s how I normally do it, I want it to be a team effort. I’ll often pay first, and then tell her to buy something else in return later. Don’t be uptight and stingy, If you’re earning an income, then it would make sense for you to pay for her.

It all depends on context and situation.

Introducing Opportunities for Physical Intimacy

What to Do on a First Date with a Girl? 02

This is an example of what NOT to do. Notice the sitting arrangement.

Forget boring movie or dinner dates. One of the core principles of seduction is physical intimacy. You aren’t really being interactive with a girl on a movie date. You can’t touch a girl when she’s sitting across you during dinner. The problem with these dates is that they’re often costly, and it’s really boring to just sit across someone and to merely converse with them for the next 2 hours.

I normally start off the date by getting coffee (low cost) and getting to know the person in personal first.

Great Date Ideas:

  • Walk in the parks
  • Walk by the beach
  • Window shopping
  • Visiting the bookstore
  • Get her to join you in one of your hobbies

These are often the ideas that I’ve re-used tens of times during my journey as a Singapore pick up artist. In these dates, it’s not only low cost, it also allows you to introduce the element of physical flirting as you’re both doing something together.

Planning Out the Route to From Date to Sex

You’re going to want to allow your time for at least three activities. So start at around 6 pm. You want to be peaking together at around 10 pm or 11 pm. She has to have the “I need to go home, but I don’t want to yet” feeling.

The classic rule is to take her to different date places. It’s shown that if you’re the constant among all these changing places, she’s more likely to be more comfortable with you. It’s a psychological trick. However, you can’t be bouncing her aimlessly, you got to be taking her from date to sex. That’s how you seduce a girl with a good game. You already have everything planned out.

This requires you to be spontaneous, and have good knowledge about your surroundings and your city.

The Progressive Date:

  • Meet her midway in town for coffee at Starbucks
  • Window shopping
  • Check out a street performance
  • Grab drinks at a bar near my place
  • Find an excuse for her to stay at my place

The progressive date rule also follows the first rule of getting her to invest time, money and effort.

Find a mid way point between you and her that both of you can meet. The time of this should be around in the evening. This way, she’ll be taking up time and effort to travel to meet you as well. First, meet her for coffee. Get to know her as a human being. Get her to be comfortable and open up to you.

Secondly, go do some activities together, such as window shopping and checking out a street performance. If you’re in a shopping haven like in Singapore, you can go window shopping. This is both of you walking side by side.

You should be trying to touch her by now. You should already be introducing flirting elements in your conversations and punctuating your sentences with slight touches. You can tease her, and then qualify her for the things you like about her.

Before it gets too late, suggest an awesome bar near yours and tell her you to want to get drinks. Lead, lead and always lead. Either take a cab or the public transport to the bar. At the bar, choose a seat that plants you beside her, instead of in front of her. Either that, just lift your chair, and sit beside her. I’ve done that a couple of times. Remember, girls, desire to be desired, being physical with her fast is going to differentiate lots of dates or lots of ex girlfriends.

Before you get her to your place, she has to be already feeling seduced to a certain point. If you’re not making out with her and holding hands with her at this point of your date. Then you’re highly like unable to get her back to yours. If you are, then good, you now just got to find an excuse to get her to your place. I use to drive to mine without saying anything, and she just keeps quiet in the car.

These days, I just ask her to chill at mine. Or I just say: ‘let’s chill at mine’. Remember, always make sure you’re not making a girl feel like a slut. Take the pressure off her. At this point, you can also introduce frames such as: Telling her not to mess up your room. Telling her if she stays over she’s sleeping on the floor, and you’re getting the bed. Stuff like that to take the pressure off her, and make her feel less of a slut.

When you’re finally back at yours, make her feel comfortable. Then slowly be physically intimate with her. If she resists your advances, then empathise with her.

Get her to play your guitar, box her around with your boxing gloves and be keep it genuinely light-hearted and playful. This is something I still do great. When a girl is at my place, I treat her like a sister that I never had and sometimes, I even take it too far, and I forget to keep the seductive element in mind.

When you start kissing and there’s a bedroom involved, it’s highly likely that both of you are going to have sex. This can happen on the first to the third date.

If you’re not at the final base by the third date, she’s either not looking/willing for casual sex or she has different values from you about casual sex. Either that, your game is bad and you don’t know what to do on a first date with a girl.

How to Build an Emotional Connection

How to Talk to Girls and Build an Emotional Connection – a Definitive Guide

Everyone in the world has gone through success, failure, hurt, disappointment, anger and lost. Learning how to talk to build an emotional connection is as simple as connecting to with these universal experiences and values.

Not only that, it’ll make your connection to the people around you more meaningful.

Sometimes, taking a step back and listening to others can give you a lot of insight to their world and yours.

Developing a deeper friendship, and a romantic relationship requires vulnerability. In hindsight, there were many relationships in my life that were merely built upon just spending time with each other. There was no true connection on values, perspectives, and meaning.

How to Build an Emotional Connection: The Universality of Emotions

How to Build an Emotional Connection2

Forgot the trivialities of the “WHATs” of life: their job, their cat’s name and where they live. It’ far better to peer into the WHYs. This requires vulnerable action. This requires one to share a vulnerable part of ourselves, and like: really giving a fuck about each other’s humanity.

Everybody on this planet shares a handful of universal emotional realities: ambition, shame, alienation, loneliness, achievement, regret, hardship, friendship, love, heartbreak. We’ve all experienced it. The facts change, the feelings are the same. I don’t care how shallow or dumb or weird or annoying she is, she has it somewhere in her. It’s your job to dig it out and connect with it. That’s where the gold is. That’s where the real magic happens. Challenge yourself to find it. Because once you do, you’ll never go back.

Models by Mark Manson

Everyone has a story. It’s just how well they are able to express theirs. You want to relate to the underlying emotions behind all the facts. The facts are mere superficial details of the emotions experienced. Relate to the feelings, not the facts.

For Eg. Feeling pressurized before a Brazilian Jiu Jitsu competition is the same pressure before a giving a business pitch. They are both some sort of competition in some way. One of them is trying to overcome a physical challenge whilst the other a financial one. The Brazilian Jiu Jitsu competitor is risking failure, success, and embarrassment just like how the entrepreneur is.

Never thought how a Brazilian Jiu Jitsu champion can relate to an entrepreneur uh?

Being Aware of Your Own Life Stories and Motivations

You have to be aware of your own emotions, motivations, and life story. Many guys suck at this. Guys tend to discuss technical know-hows and superficial details rather than go introspect into their own emotions.

I always wanted to be a psychologist growing up because I had a lot of problems growing up as a rebellious teenager. I was always angry, apathetic and under performing. I ended up being hooked onto self development due to a horrible break up with my ex-girlfriend. I was addicted to the fact that I could have a control over my dating life and social interactions.

Through years of research, trials, and failure, today, I feel much more in control of my dating life. I also read up on psychology: concepts such as meaning, building a perspective beyond myself, contribution, and that inspired my entrepreneurial project as a Singapore dating coach.

Learning how to relate to people will not only do well for you in your dating life, but it’ll help in your professional pursuits, family, and friendships.

Getting to Know someone Is Getting to Know The Why

True connection and meaningful relationships are built upon understanding and relating to each other’s WHYs in life.

The majority of out culture is only comfortable with conversing about the what and the hows. Motivations behind pursuits and behaviors are often left out. However, I feel that these things are important in fulfilling relationships.

Here’s an example of going into the WHYs: I pursue business I want to be financially free because I felt financially threatened in my growing up years as my family went bankrupt for a period of time. I also always felt that my parents saw money as a means to control my life to get them to do what they want. I think that fucked me up a little.

That is a ‘Why’.

How to Build an Emotional Connection3

Going First

You’ll have to take the lead by sharing those emotions, motivations and life story. But what? Why do I have to open up before others do? Yes, you do. It’s always on you. Furthermore, being a leader in social interactions is an attractive trait.

Sharing first encourages her and others to open up and share themselves in return.

The more this goes on, the more personal stories become, and the deeper the emotions you connect with.

From experience, some people just aren’t equipped with social skills to express themselves in the way that you are able to. Be patient with them.

Keeping Things Light and Matching the Level of Investment in a Relationship

I’m a nerd. I enjoy talking about death, the meaning of life and other nerdy subjects, and I often lament about how culture and society got us interaction only on the superficial layers, instead of finding depth in our conversations and truly getting to know one another.

For the last 3-4 years, as I evolvef from my earlier days as a Singapore pick up artist, my style of ‘game’ is to get as much depth and expression of personality out of the person I’m interacting with. Talking about superficialities of life bored me to death. I’d rather talk about dreams, values, and worldviews.

This has fundamentally affected how I perceived the social world. I’m always wondering to myself: why can’t people enjoy more meaningful conversations? Why are people only comfortable with talking about subjects outside of themselves?

I’m always left wondering to myself: why can’t people enjoy philosophical conversations? Why are people only comfortable with talking about subjects outside of themselves?

I was watching Tyler, founder and pick up artist from Real Social Dynamics giving a keynote about socializing.

He talks about how he’s a super nerd, and would rather go on nerdy conversations all the time, rather than actually converse in ‘dumb shit’.

He mentioned that: you’re not supposed to have deep and meaningful conversations with everyone. Firstly, that’s causes the world is full of shit, if you’re going to try to have deep and meaningful conversations with everyone, you’re going to get hugely disappointed.

He then gave the topic of self-development and pick up. He asked the audience: how many of you try to talk about this to other friends and they just won’t get you.

Imagine if you are an intelligent professor who has done years and years of research in his lab, and has written countless papers and reports on theoretical physics. You are not going to be willing to have a deep and intellectual conversation about physics with just about anyone one right?

You’re not supposed to build an emotional connection with just about everyone you meet. There are people that you want to filter out. It’s a lack of personal boundaries.