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Dating a Thai Girl

How I Hooked Up with a Thai Girl in Singapore In 2 Dates

I ended talking to a beautiful Thai girl whilst going clubbing out one weekend. However, the thing is this. She didn’t want to go back with me on meeting the first night with me in the club stating that she and her friend had somewhere else to go. She also mentioned to me on text that she didn’t want to go home with a guy she just met in the club.

I followed up and we hooked up eventually, in 2 dates.

The First Date

I was pretty judgmental about her background. There’s a common conception that a Thai girl working in Singapore is somehow related to the sex industry. Because of that, I wasn’t really proud of bringing her out in public, or to date her like I would with a ‘normal Singaporean girl’. Now, you probably think I’m an asshole. However, despite your judgments, I’m pretty sure I handled issues as ethically as possible.

We texted back and forth a little and I planned for a date at a reservoir in Singapore.

Well, aside from the negative judgments, I feel quite well justified to a certain extent. I wasn’t really interested in dating her. She’s hot. She can barely speak English. It was quite hard communicating with her. There was nothing going on for both of us other than the fact that we wanted to fuck each other brains out. If you’re just interested in having sex with someone, then don’t date exclusively.

I drove her out to the reservoir. She was pretty loud and aggressive in the car. In hindsight, that could be just her personality and style of getting her points across, however, I wasn’t having any of it at that point of time.

I was tired from the gym and had spent a day rushing school work. I brought her to the reservoir, which, in my opinion, is one of the most scenic spots in Singapore in the night, and she wasn’t really that impressed. She was also quite sarcastic about how beautiful the place was. I guess nature isn’t for everyone.

That ticked me off the wrong way. This was just 10 minutes into the date. It isn’t going well.

She then started asking me questions about my trip to Bangkok a year ago. She asked if I’ve been with any Thai girl. I said Yes. She was quite surprised at my answer. She then said something along the lines that I was just a naughty boy that went to Thailand just to ‘fuck Thai girls’. To make things worse, the way she said it was quite judgmental and aggressive.

I wasn’t having any of it. I was obviously turned off and quite pissed off. I wanted to leave immediately.

This was 15 minutes into the date.

I’ve never walked away on a date. There was once I went out with Singaporean banker who did nothing in front of me but used Snapchat. Despite the fact that she wasn’t able or willing to put in any amount of effort in communicating genuinely. I still stayed on. I’ve been on dates where the girl wouldn’t kiss me, or wouldn’t reciprocate, I still stayed on and never walked away.

For some reason, I stopped giving a fuck. I asked her for her address and told her I’ll send her home. I’m sending her home not because I wanted to be gentlemen, but because I promised to when I set up the date. If not for that, I’ll probably would have just left her right there and walked off.

This was 20 minutes into the date.

If someone is judging me on my sexual history, being aggressive, highly sarcastic, then she’s not worth my time. You’re stepping on my boundaries.

She was quite shocked at the fact I was willing to walk away. I didn’t care about pissing her off. At that point of time, I didn’t care about the poor metrics set by the pick up artist community or bragging rights to my other friends. I didn’t care if I didn’t get laid and that’s one more notch down to prove to myself something.

I just didn’t.

The Willingness to Walk Away

To my surprise, she stopped being aggressive and was quite feminine during the car ride home. I wasn’t quite sure about meeting up another time, but she was quite persuasive and sweet to me over text. So yeah, I invited her straight to my place and we hooked up.

For the most part, I’m quite alright with cuddling after sex. I actually like cuddling to a certain extent.

Being honest to her and honest to yourself is the best way to go about your dating life. It saves both parties time and effort. By putting your values and desires out there, you’re screening our for people that don’t fit your values in the long run.

I might be a little arrogant for saying this, but within an hour or two I spend with a person, I’m quite sure or not I see myself as a long term relationship with her just by observing her habits. Then again, I might be wrong, some people take time to open up. Psychological research also show that different people have different ‘selfs’ in different social settings.

The mindset to adopt is: if you’re not down, I’m just going to approach and meet another girl. It makes you non-needy around sex and willing to walk away at any point in time. In addition to that, investing in yourself by hitting the gym, pursuing academics or work can help you be less invested when a girl gives you problem.

Moving Forward

I keep saying this, but I’ve been putting it off. For once in a long period of time, I’m actually open to a committed relationship if the right girl comes along. I do enjoy spending time with a girl that I can dote on and vice versa. We’ll see what happens.

For now, I got my examination worries. Wish me luck.

Chinese Girl

How I Failed To Seduce The Beautiful Chinese Doll

I was with a friend in a club in Singapore and I approached this group of Chinese girls. I started talking to one of them. She was quite shy. I tried asking her to dance, and she politely declined and said introduced me to another girl who she thought would be more interested in dancing.

I said Hi to the friend, and I could tell she kind of interested, subtlely looking in my direction whilst dancing to the music.

Picking up a girl in English is tough enough, much less in the club, and in Mandarin. Nevertheless, attraction is not a choice. Never mind the words and superficialities. The game is played on an emotional level. Words are actions are said to be only tectonics plates.

She stayed and entertained me for a bit and floated to and fro between her friends and me. The thing about approaching is that people think that an ‘no response’ from a girl means a negative response.

Time is your best wingman, and the longer you are in an interaction, the better it is. Of course, take this advice with a pinch of salt. If you’re in an interaction and they are showing you negative body language, then you got to back off.

Basically, the night I met her was pretty much uneventful, they had VIP seats, and I was just a normal Singapore pick up artist running around clubs talking to cute girls. Even so, if was hard enough to communicate in Mandarin in the club. I got her WeChat and decided to text her the next day.

First Date Out with Her

For some reason, it didn’t take much texting to persuade her to come out with me. I was quite pushy on text (in Mandarin). Thank God for Google translate. Read: It reminded me of the times I had to Google translate everything when I was on a date with a girl in Vietnam. Fun times.

She wanted to bring her friend. I obliged. I was going to meet a bunch of friends in town for drinks and thought it’ll be fun to improvise along with the situation. I picked her and her friend up, and we headed to town in Singapore.

Chinese Girl2

Since I’m not well-versed in Chinese, one of my friends helped with the niceties and chatted with them. I flirted with her by kicking her ass in pool, used Snap Chat filters to entertain both of us (and to secretly record infield footage) and flirted with her in my severely limited Chinese vocabulary.

Flirting in the Chinese language was attempting the impossible for me.

However, attraction is not only something that you do but being attractive is something that you are.

I persisted.

Logistics

The biggest lesson that I learned from this date is logistics. She brought her friend out to hang out with a bunch of my friends, so it was hard to leave her friend behind whilst I went out on a date with her. Perhaps, I could have been bolder and told her friend to let me hang out with her alone.

Solving the logistics problem also depends on their relationship. Real friends would want their friends to be happy and go out with a friend they approve as well. However, more often than note, friends cockblock the hell out of each other.

I also want to make a point that there are limitations to social dynamics and social skills. We ultimately cannot control how people react to us.

Chinese Girl3

There were two ways to go about it:

  1. I could continue attempting to use ‘game’, ‘isolation’ and retarded PUA terms to continue on this interaction. Which my friends at that point of time were advising me to.
  2. Just be honest, and tell them I liked her and wanted to hang out with her alone.

In hindsight, I should have gone with option 2 and offered to send the other girl back to her place. However, what actually happened was that one of my friends joined me on a double date with this girl and her friend. We went to a park in Singapore, where we supposed to ‘escalate’.

How the hell am I suppose to escalate when her friend is around, and it’s an all-round embarrassment for everyone? The guy that came along with me was supposed to escalate on her, and I was supposed to escalate at the same time?

Of course, nothing happened in the park. I didn’t try anything as well, it was just off for me.

Vulnerability in Action

There came a point where I couldn’t give a fuck anymore. I just told the two girls that I wanted to spend time alone with her because I like her, and my friend wanted to spend time alone with the other girl because he liked her.

I was actually surprised how honest and vulnerable I can be in the Chinese language.

Well, it didn’t go through. They had work early tomorrow and wanted to go back to the hotel. I actually felt that the other girl was won over by my friend after awhile. However, my girl wasn’t having any it and kept hinting to go back to the hotel.

Here’s my point: you can’t trick girls into bed with you.

These girls go through the same academic route as all of us. They went to primary school, secondary school, Junior college, and Universities. They handle complicated Math questions such as differentiation and integration.

How much can ‘game’ actually deceive them to hook up with you?

I’m not saying NOT to understand social dynamics and persuasion. I’m saying that coming from the traditional mind frame of deception and isolation is only going to work on low self-esteemed girls (normally not that beautiful), as compared to attractive girls with high self esteem and have proper things going on in their lives.

It isn’t any wonder that some of the guys in the community are dry shocked when I tell them I only go for girls that I am genuinely attracted to. They are trying to get laid. I am trying to maximize happiness. Of course, I’m trying to get laid as well. However, I’m not happy pursuing an average girl just for so-so reasons. Just for another notch? I prefer quality.

These are the ideas I want to enforce as a Singapore dating coach. To come from a point of security, investing in oneself, instead of from a mindset of ‘game’ or deception.

The Next Date

My guess is that she doesn’t want to put up on the first date. She doesn’t want to be seen as slutty. Furthermore, she had another 1-2 days in Singapore, and she said she doesn’t see any reason why we can’t meet the next day.

I was pretty tired at that point of time. I told my friend that I’ll send him home, and proceeded to send her home. I’m not going to whore out/ beg just to take this girl home. If she’s really interested, she’ll meet me for another date before she leaves back to China.

Dating is a two way dance after all.

Singapore Office Lady2

5 Lessons Learned Dating an Intimidating Singaporean OL

I recently scored a date with the stereotypical: Singapore office lady. The tight office dress, intimidating front, the expensive looking bags. I met her in one of the clubs. She stood there, high heeled, with her fierce looking friend, and I told myself to balls up, and I approached her.

I actually appreciated the fact that I was going out with a girl I was sexually attracted to. I haven’t been on a quality date in Singapore since I came back from Japan.

5 Lessons Learned Dating a Singaporean Office Lady

Dating her was a surprising experience. Here are the lessons I took away from the dating her.

1) Texting is Overrated, Just ask Her Out

Over text, our conversations were the boring, blunt and short. It was to the point that I had to call her out: your replies are short sentenced, come on, this isn’t going to work out. My old pick up artist instincts were going off. She isn’t into you. Every attractive girl is texting 10 other guys, and what so special about you? I thought she wasn’t interested and was texting 10 other guys at the same time.

Our conversation eventually died out at one point, and I was hating myself for letting his girl go without asking her out.

I decided to take another chance and asked her out. Here’s my text conversation:

“Yo, what’s up for your weekend”
“Wanna grab coffee or tea and chill”

It’s direct, to the point and boring. Surprisingly, she agreed.

Important pointer, just ask a girl you’re interesting in out, face the impending disappointment or rejection. If you’re going to be rejected, so be it, at least you found your truth.

2) Not all Hot Girls are That Scary

She showed up in an office dress (as she came from a wedding) and slippers, Singapore office lady style. I was wondering if she was how she’s like in real life conversationally: one sentence styled of boring and blunt. Like her text messages.

No surprise there, she’s boring.

I’m starting to think if it’s a Singaporean thing. Or is a hot girls thing? Hot girls spend their whole lives with guys deferring to them. The guys are always asking them questions and not needing to be the ones adding to the conversation. Hence, these girls never built the conversational skills to connect with others on an emotional level.

On the other end, I had spent the last 5 years reading up on self-help books, and I’m pretty strong conversationally.

She floated away to social media from time to time and added rarely initiated in conversation. Relating to her as a human being was a total bore. I was disappointed in that sense. I was expecting much better. Since she’s one of those academically inclined girls, coming from a local University background. I thought I’ll be in able to stretch my intellectual muscles with her. I quickly learned that most girls aren’t going on dates to have nerdy talks with you.

I also somewhat overvalued the office lady exterior. The flashy hand bags, and the flashy credit cards. She was also from a top University in Singapore, so I was feeling a little insecure about that.

I was thinking to myself: I’m just a student, freelanced on some web design projects, for the past 2 years, who am I to be dating some classy Singapore office lady? Yeah, I read a little and see myself as someone who an intellectually curious individual, but I don’t have the external success to back it up. I guess these are my insecurities.

Singapore Office Ladies

Don’t Be Intimidated by Their Stone Cold Exterior!

3) You Should Know what You Want Out of The Date

Should I merely continue to hit on her despite not feeling a sense of connection? It felt meaningless after awhile. I had been consciously looking for more commitment in my life and was looking for a more exclusive relationship. This is because a longer term and stable relationship are going to be more suited for current needs. I wanted to do well in school and I want to focus on being a Singapore dating coach.

The metric of success should be happiness.

However, at the same time, she’s attractive and I wouldn’t mind hooking up with her. I’m torn between emotions.

That’s the thing about dating, not every girl is going to 100% fulfilled your emotional needs. There are some girls that are going to make you feel sexually attracted, but not connected or appreciated as a partner. There are some girls that are going to make you feel really secure in a relationship, but perhaps you’re not going to feel as excited to be with her.

When I left for home I was asking if I should text her again? Should we try again on the second date?

4) Be Comfortable with Your Sexuality

I wasn’t really physical or touchy during the date. That’s because she’s older than me and she was wearing office wear which intimidated me a little. She also wasn’t talking a lot so I assumed she was unattracted and bored on the date.

However, she gave me quite a lot of indicators of interest physically. She stood really close to me and was okay with my physical touches when I teased her. I was thinking to myself: perhaps that’s how she showed her interest. I showed my interest through words, and she showed her interest through touches.

I haven’t been on a movie date since I got into this pick up and self help thing, that’s because it’s said to be boring and there’s no chance for physical intimacy or conversation. However, this time round, there’s this movie that both of us wanted to watch and she’s said she haven’t watched a movie from the cinemas for years. During our movie together, she even leaned on me slightly during the movie.

It’s more important for us as the man to polarise the interaction and figure out the truth, than wait for the green lights. The majority of dating advice (arguably, some of the pick up artist content out) depends on us reacting to the girl, and adjusting our behaviours according to hers, instead of taking charge and figuring it out ourselves.

Perhaps she isn’t looking to connect with anybody emotionally at this point of her life and just wanted to date around? However, she’s not going to say anything that makes her look like a slut. Girls are human beings and have sexual desires too, but society makes it hard for them to express them socially. This is especially so for a traditional Asian centric society like Singapore.

This is can be quite true for Singapore. Girls here can be quite shy and non expressive. The biggest indicator of interest is that she’s out with you, and not somewhere else. Looking back, I had tons of tons of times where I was out with a girl and didn’t notice the fact that she’s actually interested in me. I thought we were just ‘hanging out’.

Is it wrong or bad to say that you can’t be sexually attracted to her without being emotionally connected to her? That’s dependent on your own values and needs. I always felt that I could not go for a girl that I couldn’t feel emotionally connected with or have a meaningful conversation with. That’s just me.

I also figured that there’s you can’t get all needs met at once. Some parts of her and your identity are going to take time to develop. The only thing we can control is our own behaviours, and how you express your identity to her.

Office Lady Singapore4

5) Be More Assertive and Go For What you Want

On this date, I made the mistake of choosing places where it’s hard to seat beside her. She was pretty easy going with the places and I should have been more assertive with the places where I can sit beside her where it allows for physical intimacy.

The layout in most bars and coffee places in Singapore are often planned out where you sit across each other. It only allows for conversation and not physical intimacy. I’ll just sit beside a girl next time on a date. If she asks why I’ll just say: cause you’re pretty and I want to sit beside you.

I’ve mentioned that my approach towards girls has been more connection based, rather than sexual based. I probably don’t touch a girl enough or attempt to escalate the interaction physically enough. Either that, I miscalibrated and escalate too quickly at one point of the interaction.

Furthermore, the more feminine the girl is, the more you’re going to be expected to lead physically. She’s not going to initiate for you.

Japanese Girl 1

How I Hooked up with a Japanese Girl in Tokyo as a Foreigner

I wanted to take 2 weeks off Singapore before University in Singapore resumes. Soon, the possibility of dating a Japanese girl got me on a one-way ticket towards Tokyo, Japan.

I choose Japan as I’ve never been there. It’s a country that I’ve always wanted to travel to but held back because of the high cost of living.

I also was stressed out building two projects, including this Singapore dating coach project over the last 3-4 months, and because of lackluster results, and I decided to buy myself a ticket to Japan, to recharge.

How I Met This Japanese Girl

I’ve been doing solo short trips ranging from 1 to 3 weeks to neighboring countries from Singapore for the past 4 years. Traveling solo is one of the toughest (yet most meaningful) pursuits in my life: the safety concerns, the periodical loneliness, and the self-reliance.

It’s lonely as fuck sometimes but at the same time, you’re putting yourself in a position where you are forced to take on new habits. You’re forced to be social. I notice a huge difference whenever traveling alone and when being back in Singapore. Back home, I live with my parents and having the comfort of home demotivates me at times to go out to socialize. However, if you’re in a new country alone, you pretty much don’t have a choice.

Normally, I would go landmark chasing when I’m in a new country. I would hit up Trip Advisor, search for the top 10 places to go to, and hit visit 3-4 landmarks within a day, hoping to cover them all during my short stay in a new country.

This time round, for Japan, I made it a point to NOT do that.

Landmarks are great, however, it gets meaningless after a certain point. I compare it to travel porn. It gets superficial and lacks depth and significance after a while.

I wanted to meet local Japanese people and soak into the traditional Japanese culture. And if I got lucky, I was hoping to meet a Japanese girl that likes me, and we can go to these landmarks and get food together.

Friends back in Singapore told me that 99% of the Japanese people here don’t speak English. I knew that the language barrier would be hard. But it’s still worth a try, human communication is once researched to be 70% non-verbal right?

Since this time I wasn’t going to go to landmarks after landmarks, and I’m not huge on chasing food restaurants after restaurants, I made it a point to meet new people.

I signed myself up for a Pub Crawl, an organized event where you got bar hopping with international friends.

Surprise!

From just one meetup event, I got to know a group of friends. I also I met a half Singaporean, half Swiss guy who I hit clubs with together. I ended up partying and having midnight sushi with a bunch of Japanese friends who have studied abroad during their University days.

That’s the power of people.

Instead of being alone, going to one restaurant and landmarks after another, I had a girl or others to show me around. Through her, I got to know more about Japanese culture.

Japanese Girl

The Japanese Streets

Dating a Half Japanese, Half Korean

I got to know a half Japanese, half Korean girl who studied abroad for a couple of years, grew up in Korea, and was working in Japan. She seemed pretty interested in me from the first time we met. I got her number and made plans.

The meet up wasn’t set up as a date and the intentions weren’t clear. I didn’t know if she was interested in me, or if she’s just being nice and showing this foreigner around in Tokyo. Being foreign to the country, she brought me around to sushi places, skyscrapers, and department stores. She showed me around Tokyo and brought me for good sushi and Japanese food.

When I first started out this dating advice thing, I used to obsess over the perfect date and pick up artist concepts such as “bouncing” on dates. However, throughout the recent years, I figured that a date should be enjoyable, and meaningful as well. I no longer buy into pick up artist concepts. I prefer to come from a more emotionally healthier perspective such as trust, leadership, and intimacy.

I got to know about her family and shared about mine. She came from a family that was divorced, and I related that I had a tough childhood growing up in a strict Singaporean family. We also connected on culture and travel. She mentioned she found it hard fitting into Japanese culture after leaving being influenced by Westernized ideals abroad.

I related by saying that Singaporean culture is something I’ve always ranted about through the years. She even shared that she dated a Singaporean guy a years ago and lamented the lack of expression in Singaporeans(or fucked up?). I agreed with her on that.

Singaporeans culture doesn’t promote the conversation about the things that should be talked about: sex, love, intimacy, trust and all of those important things. 

Pushing For Sex

On hindsight, I wasn’t leading physically much throughout the date. It’s one of my biggest “sticking points”. I found myself sitting back and chill, rather than being overly aggressive physically or for the kiss. I have to be more proactive, and not wait for the green lights.

We flirted a physically and she found herself holding on to my arm lightly. I hooked her hand around my bicep and we walked through the streets of Shinjuku.

I could tell she was interested and she was giving me hints of asking me if I was staying in an apartment by myself. (Just kind of confirms that girls are human beings and have needs too right?)

I don’t think pick up artist concepts and lines actually work on a superficial level to “seduce” a girl back to his. Terms such as “isolation”, “bouncing” and “pulling” are often thrown around in the industry. At the end of the day, it’s a painful and low-self esteem perspective. Most of the times, the girl is already interested in him, and the lines and concepts are just a backward rationalization and a vehicle to get them to the spot for sex.

Anyway, we went back to ours, and she asked:

“We’re not going to have sex are we?” – Her
“I want to, but if you’re not comfortable, that’s alright, we can just chill” – Me (and I fucking meant it)

That’s my game, literally. So much for “last minute resistance” uh?

Eventually, we did it, and it was good fun.

Lessons Learned Dating a Japanese Girl

Dating a Japanese Girl

I got lost in one of their Subways.

It got me thinking of quality of interactions and really pushing you to go for the girl that you really like. Failing on a date with a girl that makes you really excited is much better than going on a date that makes you feel like “meh”.

Having dates, and “notches” is one thing. Having the quality of interactions is another. If I was being brutally fucking honest, I slept with her, because it was easy. I was actually into one of her friends, and I wasn’t that attracted to her.

I started this pick up artist journey when I was 19 and would hit on any girl that fulfills society’s standards of beauty. For some reason, it felt that I “had” to do it because if I didn’t, that would be I am a failure as a “self-development”, “pick up artist” or “self-improvement” guy.

Looking back, there were girls that I shouldn’t have went for and girls that I definitely should have gone for.

It also got me thinking about long term relationships, love, and intimacy. Having sex is great, but it gets boring and repetitive after awhile.

Hence it’s important to find someone you find really sexually attractive and not just physically attractive. Having sex for the sake of having sex,  fulfilling the ‘player’ or ‘casanova’ identify that is pointless.

Pick up artists find themselves hitting on girls that they are not emotionally or sexually attracted to, but to just fulfill this identity they’ve built for themselves over the years. I personally feel like that at this point in my life.

Hence it’s so important to dig deep into our emotional truths, that’s the only way out. What am I avoiding? What’s fucking me up deep down inside that led to these behaviors?

How can I still feel so empty inside?

No Longer Identifying with The Highs and the Lows

I remembered missing my flight in Japan. Despite accomplishing my goals: dating a Japanese girl, and an overall positive trip in Japan, I felt empty.

I also hated the fact that I had to find a new friend daily or bore myself in the hotel. I hated the fact that I had to go to somewhere new every day, or bore myself staring into my computer. I was spending away from my savings, getting nowhere with my travels. Perhaps I would have written differently if I had a steady stream of income.

Short term dating is fun. The sex is fun. The novelty is fun. However, I think that there are upsides to a long term relationship than a short term. There are things that can be experienced in a long term relationship than a short term one.

I made a decision at the airport airport.

I was going to go back to Singapore, built my business, attend school, and be ‘normal’.

Being special isn’t so special after all.